


De Novo

by hummerhouse



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: Complete, M/M, TMNT, Turtles, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-11 05:02:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 38,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4422398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hummerhouse/pseuds/hummerhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Disclaimer: The TMNT are not mine. No money being made.<br/>Word Count: 38,392 multi-chapter 2k12<br/>Summary: So many things in Raph's life have changed, some for the better and some not. There is one change though that he dwells on more than others and the chance to begin again is hard to ignore.<br/>Ratings from PG-13 to NC-17</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

            Unsettled, uneasy, unsatisfied . . . or maybe it was just nerves. Raphael couldn’t quantify how he’d been feeling lately other than it seemed as though the walls of the farmhouse were closing in on him.

            It was funny to think that he’d spent most of his life confined to a small space and had been just fine with that. His first taste of the world of light had left him hungering for more.

            He had to admit that he got plenty of time in the sun these days, but recently even that wasn’t enough. Raph was more jittery than usual and nothing eased that feeling; not video games, or television, or training, not even the usual fun he got from manhandling Mikey and Don during a sparring match.

            Talking to Leo about it was out of the question. His brother would say a lot of stuff and Raph would stop listening part way through. As soon as Leo suggested the inevitable - that he needed to spend more time practicing his martial arts - Raph would agree just to cut off the flow of words. Really, if more physical exercise was the answer then Raph would have discovered that on his own, he already spent most of his waking hours working out.

            Raph stood at the edge of a pond in the woods near the farmhouse. Heaving a sigh, he crossed to a fallen tree trunk and sat down, feet dangling in the water.

            There had been a time when he got to run with Casey and clean up petty crime waves but being exiled to the country had put an end to that. Even though Raph was sure they could find something to do together, Casey seemed to be spending most of his time with Donatello.

            Even now, as it was coming onto twilight, Casey and Don were in the barn working on either the jalopy or the van, maybe both. They were probably exchanging good humored insults and sharing energy drinks along with ideas. How was it possible for his nerdy brother to have so much in common with that psycho hockey nut?

            Raph’s shoulders sagged as the weight of his loneliness hit him. He’d never felt this way when he’d had Spike. Taking care of his pet gave Raph a purpose that he felt had meaning. It occupied his time with something that he could call his own and that was a big thing when you lived in a family that measured way below the poverty scale. Heck, Raph thought with a snort, they weren’t even _on_ the poverty scale.

            What he missed most though was talking to Spike. Raph always felt like Spike could understand what he was saying and was sympathetic; something he wasn’t going to get from his siblings.

            As Raph found out after Spike mutated to Slash, his little friend _had_ understood his words, at least to a certain extent.

            Slash turned out to be pretty possessive in his mutated form and to have taken Raph’s words too literally. Raph couldn’t seem to make the rampaging mutant understand that his angry rants about his brothers didn’t mean he wanted to ditch them.

            How does someone explain to a freshly mutated turtle companion the concept of love and frustration and how they’re not necessarily mutually exclusive?

            Sitting alone by the banks of a pond it was easy to look back on everything that had happened and recognize that Slash was feeling protective of his former owner. He’d thought he was offering Raph an opportunity to escape his family’s smothering control. Slash just hadn’t been mature enough or aware enough to know right from wrong.

            The sad thing was that before the Kraang invasion, he and Slash had actually had a couple of decent interactions. Raph hadn’t wanted to get his hopes up but his rescuing Slash the first time his mutated pet had been captured seemed to have changed something between them.

            With a sigh of regret, Raph kicked at the water and sent a small ripple out towards the center of the pond. Not only did he have no idea as to their father’s fate, he had no clue about where Slash might be, if he hadn’t been caught for a third time.

            The only thing that had gone right for Raph lately was that Leo had survived his injuries and was on the mend, physically at least. Everything else was totally messed up and there was no longer anyone with whom he could share his deepest thoughts, dissatisfactions, and fears.

            Head down and slumped over, Raph allowed a touch of depression to settle on his broad shoulders. The weight of his responsibilities was heavy at times. Leo couldn’t get around very well yet and it fell to Raph to keep Don and Mikey on their toes with their training. He also felt burdened with keeping the six of them safe and hidden, even with things mutating around them left and right.

            It was times like this when Raph thought about how nice it would be if he were Mikey; so carefree and optimistic. Or even lovesick Donnie because at least the genius had two people he could talk to.

            Deep in thought it took a few minutes before the uneasy feeling that he was being watched crept over Raph. Under normal circumstances he would have jumped to his feet and drawn his sai, ready to do battle. Tonight the best he could manage was to lift his head and look around.

            The moon had risen while Raph had been sitting there and its reflection in the pond helped to illuminate the entire vicinity. As his eyes drifted over the area closest to him, Raph heard a rustling of leaves from across the pond. Though he didn’t much care at this point if something popped out and attacked him, Raph was curious enough to look in that direction.

            Standing atop a large boulder, outlined by the moon, Slash stared back at him.

TBC……………


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 1,341 multi-chapter 2k12  
> Summary: So many things in Raph's life have changed, some for the better and some not. There is one change though that he dwells on more than others and the chance to begin again is hard to ignore.  
> Part 2 Rated PG-13  
> ~Future parts will contain yaoi

            It took a moment for the shock of seeing Slash to wear off enough for Raph’s brain to start functioning again. He knew he should jump up from where he was sitting and at the very least get into a defensive stance. Almost at the exact moment Raph had that thought, another one intervened and told him to forget it and not bother moving at all.

            Raph watched as Slash dove into the pond and swam towards him. He followed Slash’s progress through the water with his eyes, but didn’t even move his head when the big mutant stepped onto the shore near him. As Slash approached, Raph continued to sit still, his demeanor dejected and his shoulders slumped.

            Slash stopped a couple of feet away and Raph glanced up at him, his expression gloomy. He saw Slash frown and it was obvious that the huge turtle had expected Raph to react violently to his sudden appearance. The fact that Raph didn’t move at all had apparently disconcerted his former pet.

            “How’d you find me?” Raph asked, though his voice lacked any real curiosity.

            The other turtle crossed his arms over his plastron as though unsure of what to do with them. It was obvious that Raph wasn’t going to fight. “When the Kraang took over the city I went to the lair to find you,” Slash explained. “I saw that it was trashed and that you and your family were all gone.”

            “Yeah, the Kraang found our home and that’s what started the invasion,” Raph said.

            “I thought about staying there and waiting for you to return, but I had a feeling that you wouldn’t as long as the Kraang’s forces were in control. With nowhere else to go, I got your scent from a pillow in your room and started tracking you. I was worried that the Kraang had captured you and I was determined to save you from them.”

            “You were?” Raph asked, sitting up slightly.

            Slash nodded. “I tracked you all over the city, above and below ground. It was hard to avoid the Kraang and everything that they had mutated, but I wasn’t going to quit. Your scent trail ended when you got into a vehicle, but that transport was leaking oil which had a distinctive odor of its own. I started following it and it took me out of the city.”

            “That was over three months ago,” Raph said, amazed.

            “It took me a long time,” Slash acknowledged. “I thought I lost the trail several times and once or twice I was sure it was gone for good because it had rained. The oil from that vehicle was very thick though and it didn’t wash away.”

            “We came out here in April’s dad’s van,” Raph told him. “It’s older than dirt.”

            “People were fleeing the city and I kept having to hide from them,” Slash said. “It wasn’t until I got far from the city that I could really start to move faster. The trail took me to this area and I discovered that farmhouse just tonight. Right as I got there I saw you come out of the house and walk into the woods, so I followed you.”

            “Why?” Raph asked, wanting to know. His need to understand Slash’s motivations was the first time tonight that the red banded turtle had felt anything at all. “Not why did you follow me from the farmhouse; why did you even care what happened to me in the first place? I thought you were done with me after I made it clear that I was sticking to my brothers.”

            “Because you’re my family,” Slash said simply. “You’re the only one I’ve got.”

            Raph stared at him as he tried to digest what Slash was saying. Despite their fight, despite their differences since Slash had mutated, Raph’s pet turtle still thought of him as family.

            “I’ve missed you,” Raph admitted, letting his guard down further. “I’ve missed your company, missed having something special that’s just between you and me. I’ve missed talking to you.”

            “You could have come with me,” Slash reminded him.

            Raph shrugged. “I told you why I couldn’t. All that stuff about my bros, especially about Leo, that I shared with you was because I needed to vent, not because I hated them or didn’t want to be with them. Sometimes you get aggravated by your family, that’s normal. I didn’t need to be rescued.”

            Slash uncrossed his arms to lift his hands in the air. “How was I supposed to know that? I was a normal turtle for my entire life. Up until the day I drank mutagen all I knew was you. I depended on you for everything, including keeping me safe from the others, from Michelangelo most of all. When I was transformed the only thing I could think of was to repay you somehow.”

            “You thought we’d cut out and form our own team,” Raph said. “You should have stayed.”

            “I was hurt and confused,” Slash said. “You didn’t want me anymore.”

            “So you figured removing my brothers from the picture would change my mind?” Raph shook his head. “They weren’t forcing me to stay Spi . . . Slash. We could have found a place for you with us.”

            Slash’s face fell, his expression sad. “Yeah, it’s too late now. Your brothers don’t trust me. When I got caught again by the Kraang and rescued by Newtralizer I thought I’d found a new friend but it turned out he was just using me. Now I’m by myself all of the time.”

            “I invited you to come back then too,” Raph reminded him. “You said it would be best if you went solo.”

            “I know I did,” Slash said. “I thought it would be better if I had time to figure things out. Don’t really like the solo hunter thing though, I’m lonely without you. I don’t remember a time in my life before this that you weren’t there.”

            Raph was surprised by his candor. He stood up and faced his one-time friend and confidant, his depression slipping off of him as he warmed to the thought of rekindling something of what they once had.

            “Come back with me,” Raph said enthusiastically. “You can stay with us at the farmhouse.”

            Slash was shaking his head even before Raph finished speaking. “No. You know that won’t go over well with your brothers. I tried to kill them; they aren’t likely to forget or forgive. My presence will make them uncomfortable and then I’ll be nervous as well. One of us will say the wrong thing and it won’t end well. All I really wanted was to make sure you were safe, Raphael.”

            As he turned to go, Raph leaped forward and caught his arm. “Where will you go? There isn’t any place that’s safe now, not even the sewers in New York.”

            “I don’t know,” Slash said, drawing in a deep breath. “I thought I’d just hide in the woods; stay near the water like other turtles do.”

            “And freeze your butt off when it gets cold,” Raph said. “You aren’t equipped to survive that way anymore. Look, there’s a cabin not too far from here where you can stay. It’s not much to look at, but it’s solid and dry. There’s a couple holes in it that we can patch up and we can build a fire pit that’ll keep the cabin warm and give you a place to cook meals.”

            “What about your brothers?” Slash asked.

            “They won’t go near the place,” Raph said. “I’ll tell you why some other time. The way I figure it, what they don’t know won’t hurt them. Come on, let’s get you settled for the night and then I’ll come back tomorrow with some supplies.”

            “Are you sure about this?” Slash asked as he started to follow an insistent Raph.

            “I’m damn sure,” Raph said confidently as the excitement of his newfound purpose began to bubble to the surface.

TBC……………….


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 1,358 multi-chapter 2k12  
> Summary: So many things in Raph's life have changed, some for the better and some not. There is one change though that he dwells on more than others and the chance to begin again is hard to ignore.  
> Part 3 Rated PG-13  
> ~Future parts will contain yaoi

            A couple of days after his ordeal with the Creep, Raphael had gone back to the cabin in the woods to look at the scene of his transformation. It wasn’t Raph’s way to avoid things that were unpleasant anymore, the way he’d once done with bugs. He’d discovered that such avoidance usually provided a fertile growth medium for fear.

            The inside of the cabin hadn’t produced anything more than a residual repugnance because Raph really didn’t have much memory from his time as a plant creature. To deal with that leftover feeling, Raph had raked out the cabin, disposing of remaining plant material and leaving the floor clean.

            He’d gone back by himself and hadn’t talked to his brothers about his pilgrimage because he hadn’t wanted to get Mikey started on how he should share his feelings. For Raph some things were better dealt with alone.

            The jar containing the remains of the Creep had been on a shelf in the barn, left there after Don had returned Raph to normal. Don had discovered that the jar had cracked and fearing that the Creep would escape, he’d taken the jar into the Kraang scout ship located underneath the farmhouse. The containment unit that had held April’s fake mom was still functional and Don had placed the jar into it, freezing it and rendering the Creep harmless.

            Raph knew that with the Creep permanently dealt with his brothers would have no interest in the cabin and it would be the perfect spot for Slash to live. When he and Slash arrived at the cabin Raph was glad to see that it was exactly as he’d left it.

            The single door at the front of the cabin was undamaged but the double doors on the left wall weren’t. Fortunately, only the two top panels had been broken; the bottom two were still whole and functional. Since that opening was wider, Raph and Slash entered the cabin through those doors. Raph went directly to the small table against the opposite wall and lit the candles that were still there.

            Looking up, Raph noted that the only other wreckage was the two holes in the roof. Because there were plenty of wooden planks stacked behind the cabin, Raph estimated that a few hours of work would put things right.

            “How do you like it?” Raph asked, his arms sweeping out to indicate the interior of the cabin.

            Slash was looking around and he nodded. “Not bad. Even with the holes it’s still warmer in here than outside.”

            “Tomorrow we can start fixing those holes and the door,” Raph said. Turning to look at Slash he added apologetically, “I can’t stay out much longer or I’d try to do something about them tonight.”

            “Your brothers,” Slash replied, indicating he understood. “Wouldn’t want them to come looking for you and discover me in the process.”

            “You helped us defeat the Newtralizer, I’ll bet my brothers wouldn’t be as distrustful as you think,” Raph said.

            “What happens if they are?” Slash asked. “It’s better if I don’t test them and I think you know it, Raphael. This is good for now; at least I’ve got a place to stay. It’ll be nice to sleep on something other than cold, wet grass.”

            Raph took a folded tarp down from one of the shelves and opened it, shaking it out before spreading it on the floor in one corner of the room. “This will have to do for a bed until I can bring you some supplies.”

            “Like some choice juicy leaves?” Slash asked with an unmistakable twinkle in his eyes.

            That memory brought a smile to Raph’s face and a catch in his throat. How many times had he talked things over with Spike while feeding him a nice green leaf? How many times had he pretended that Spike understood him by asking the small pet to take a bite if he agreed with Raph?

            “I get the feeling that leaves ain’t gonna tide you over anymore,” Raph said after clearing his throat.

            Slash touched his stomach. “Oh I still like them, but I need something that’s more filling these days.”

            “Don’t worry, I’ll get you stocked up with food,” Raph promised. A portion of his mind asked how he intended to do that without giving away his secret, but Raph shoved the thought aside. Digging into his belt, Raph extracted a slightly flattened granola bar and handed it to Slash. “Here. It ain’t much but hopefully it’ll give your stomach something to think about so you can get some sleep.”

            Slash accepted the food with a smile. “Thank you, Raphael.”

            “No problem,” Raph said. He and Slash gazed at one another for a moment, neither saying anything until Raph finally took a deep breath and headed for the door. “I’ll be back tomorrow. When I get close I’ll call out so you’ll know it’s me.”

            “You needn’t,” Slash said, turning to watch Raph. “After all this time I can recognize your footsteps. And your scent.”

            The way Slash said that made Raph glance at him. There had been a softness in his tone, an almost wistful longing that made Raph stop and say, “We aren’t going to be separated anymore. You’re my family too.”

            “Being with you is all I’ve ever wanted,” Slash admitted.

            Raph gave him a reassuring smile as he pulled the bottom swinging door panels closed behind him. Slash’s voice stopped him again.

            “I drank the mutagen on purpose.”

            Looking up, Raph saw that Slash was gazing at him with an intensity that was almost disconcerting.

            “What? I – I thought it was an accident,” Raph said, slightly flustered.

            “You’ve been blaming yourself, haven’t you?” Slash asked.

            “Well yeah,” Raph answered. “Look, you don’t have to say that ‘cause you think it’ll make me feel better. I took that damn canister into my room because I was annoyed with my brothers. If my head was on straight I wouldn’t have put you in that kind of danger.”

            Slash shrugged. “I learned how to fight from watching you guys; I learned about the mutagen the same way. When the canister hit the floor and cracked, I could have stayed away from it. I didn’t want to, I wanted to be like you, I wanted to be the team you needed. To you I might have been a pet, but I still had a mind of my own.”

            “You were never just a pet to me,” Raph told him.

            “I was family that you could take care of,” Slash said, the smile flashing across his face again. With a glance around the cabin, he added, “You’re still taking care of me.”

            Raph felt a flush rising to his cheeks. “Comes natural to me I guess.”

            “Maybe sometime you’ll let me return the favor,” Slash said, the soft tone creeping into his voice once more.

            Not knowing how to respond to that, Raph merely said, “Get some sleep buddy. We’ve got a lot of work to do tomorrow.”

            He watched as Slash leaned his mace against the wall and sank down onto the tarp. As Slash began to peel the paper off the granola bar, Raph slipped away from the cabin.

            Raph hadn’t gone far when he suddenly heard his brother’s calling his name. With a mild curse, he started to run, trying to put distance between himself and the cabin. When Leo called out for him, Raph realized they were a lot closer than he’d thought.

            His best chance at keeping his secret was to circle around his family and pull them off course. If they stayed on their present track, they were going to stumble upon the cabin and find Slash. Raph wasn’t ready for them to learn that the large mutant had trailed him here and keeping them away from the cabin was imperative.

            Raph only hoped he could get into position before Leo discovered Slash’s tracks in the woods. If that happened, no amount of fast talking would pull the turtle leader off the trail and Raph doubted that Slash would bother trying to hide from them.

TBC……………….


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 1,639 multi-chapter 2k12  
> Summary: So many things in Raph's life have changed, some for the better and some not. There is one change though that he dwells on more than others and the chance to begin again is hard to ignore.  
> Part 4 Rated PG-13  
> ~Future parts will contain yaoi

            Raphael cut through the woods, moving as fast and as silently as possible. His brother’s calls were becoming more frequent and he could tell by the sound of their voices that they were growing frantic. There was no doubt in Raph’s mind that they were worried that something had again happened to him, possibly even a repeat of the Creep incident. Raph had to pull the notion out of their minds quickly or one of them might get the idea to check the cabin.

            Once Raph was in a position that was far to one side of his brothers and therefore away from the cabin, he started to make noise. Purposely stepping on twigs, dragging his feet through leaves, and reaching out to snap the branches on small trees, Raph knew the sound would put his family on high alert and turn them towards him.

            After a minute or two, Raph shouted, “Leo! Hey, I’m over here. What’s with all the racket?”

            Raph was gratified to hear his brothers moving in his direction. He stopped where he was and waited for them so that there would be more distance between them and where Raph had left Slash.

            “Where were you?” Leo demanded upon catching sight of his sibling.

            “I went for a walk,” Raph said, putting a slightly disgruntled tone into his voice. “The smell from whatever that was that Mikey made for dinner was bothering me and I needed some air. Can’t stay cooped up in the farmhouse all the time.”

            “You said you liked the stew,” Mikey said, his expression turning pouty.

            “The stew was good; the smell not so much,” Raph said in an offhand manner. He didn’t need Mikey to get upset because then the youngest would start clinging to him.

            “Casey and April are at the house alone just in case you came back there,” Don said with a huff, letting Raph know that although the genius was getting closer to Casey, they were both still vying for April’s affections.

            “Then by all means we should go home,” Raph said sarcastically, starting to walk in that direction.

            Leo hopped to catch up to him so that he could walk alongside Raph. “You know the kinds of things that have been happening to us out here,” Leo said. “I can appreciate that you need space, but when any of us disappears we all get worried.”

            Raph glanced over and saw the look of real concern on his brother’s face. It gave him a pang of guilt; Leo had been through so much, heck, they’d all been through a lot and Raph knew how he’d feel if one of them wandered off without saying anything. He knew how he’d felt when Mikey had done it and it wasn’t good.

            “You’re right,” Raph said, noticing the surprised expression on Leo’s face at his admission. “We don’t need to give each other fits right now, there’s already too much to worry about. I’ll go stir crazy sitting around the house doing nothing but I’ll make sure I let someone know where I’m going and how long I think I’ll be gone. Good enough?”

            “Good enough,” Leo said, offering him a wan smile.

            It was the smile that clued Raph in to how tired his brother was. Raph could guess how much the strain of being leader without their father’s guidance was weighing on the oldest. That feeling was certainly acute for Raph when Leo had been unconscious for so long and it had fallen on the second oldest to step up. For Leo it was even worse now because of how he hated thinking that he’d failed his family.

            “We’re doing okay, Leo,” Raph said, his voice low so that their conversation remained between the two of them. “We can handle anything that’s thrown at us and when the time is right we’ll go back to the city and find sensei.”

            Leo pressed his lips into a thin line and nodded without answering. The assurance probably didn’t offer him much solace but hearing Raph say those words let Leo know his brother still had his back.

            During the remainder of the return journey they listened as Don attempted to explain to Mikey how something could smell and taste good but the longer the scent lingered the less appetizing it became.

           They were within sight of the farmhouse when Don gave up trying to use reason and fell back on an example of one particular experiment of his that had gone wrong. The individual components each had a pleasant aroma that had attracted Mikey to Don’s lab, but when the genius mixed them, a pungent black cloud rolled up from the beaker and sent the pair scurrying away as fast as they could move.

            “Maybe I should open some windows,” Mikey said as he went into the house.

            “That would be a good idea,” Don agreed, stepping inside and immediately looking for April.

            Leo held back from entering and Raph stopped alongside him. For a moment neither said anything as Leo stared up at the stars and Raph contemplated his brother.

            “I don’t think I ever thanked you for keeping the family together after I was hurt,” Leo said in a quiet voice, bringing his eyes back down to Raph.

            Raph shrugged as though it was no big thing. “You didn’t have to. That’s what family does for each other.”

            “It was still a lot,” Leo said. “When you were drained by that Creep thing I worried that Don couldn’t bring you back. Those hours of waiting were torture and I could only imagine what you went through sitting next to me day after day, month after month wondering if I’d live or die. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

            The last thing Raph wanted was for Leo to dwell on the Creep incident. They hadn’t even talked about it until now and it was only Raph’s having gone missing for a few hours that made it relevant at the moment.

            Raph wasn’t sure why Leo was clinging to the subject tonight. He’d probably had a little scare but nothing that warranted this level of melancholy. Maybe Leo was feeling the same touch of loneliness that had sent Raph into the woods in the first place. Or maybe Leo sensed the reason that had caused Raph to wander off by himself.

            “Don’t say that like you think it was your fault,” Raph responded a touch gruffly. “Nothing that happened could have been prevented. We all did what we had to so we could escape the Kraang. The odds were stacked so high against us it’s a wonder we only left Master Splinter and Mr. O’Neil behind.”

            “I know you want to go back and try to find Father,” Leo said, his eyes almost piercing Raph.

            “So do you,” Raph said, acknowledging Leo’s assertion. “No, I didn’t wander off thinking I’d make my way back to the city on my own. When we go back we go together. You aren’t a hundred percent yet and we don’t have a plan. See, I’m learning to control my instincts. Watching you sitting in that tub for three months was a good way to teach me that we have to stick together no matter what.”

            “Hey, are you two coming inside?” April called from the doorway.

            “Be right in, April,” Leo said. As she walked back into the house, Leo told his brother, “That’s what Master Splinter would want us to do too. I think it would be good for all our peace of mind if we kept tabs on each other, even though I know how much you hate to be monitored.”

            “I’m good so long as you don’t think I need to have someone attached to my hip twenty-four hours a day,” Raph said good-naturedly. “Go on in; I’m going to stand here for a few more minutes and give the house time to air out.”

            Leo laughed as he started up the steps. “That smell _was_ pretty pungent, wasn’t it?”

            Since the question was obviously rhetorical, Raph didn’t answer and Leo didn’t wait around for one. After he was gone, Raph sank down onto one of the porch steps and looked out at the woods.

            In a cabin out there was what had once been his best friend. Something had driven Slash to find Raph, some deep connection that his mutation hadn’t severed. Raph could feel it too and his protective instinct had kicked into high gear.

            Now Raph was in a quandary. He’d thought it would be easy enough to take care of Slash on the down low even after his brothers had made a big thing about his disappearing for a little while. Raph figured he could tell them he was going for a run or a swim for a couple of hours and then spend the time with Slash without the worry of being interrupted.

            The talk he’d just had with Leo added a level of difficulty that Raph hadn’t planned on. Not the necessity of finding time to be with Slash, Raph could still manage that. It was the sudden feeling that Leo needed him as much as Slash did.

            Leo hadn’t actually said that and he certainly didn’t behave as though it were so, but Raph had spent his entire life with his brother and could pick up on small nuances in what Leo had said.

            Raph’s oldest brother was reaching out to him in the only way he knew how and Raph had to be there for him. He also had to be there for Slash.

            Whatever loneliness that Raph had been feeling was fading quickly in lieu of these new developments. Replacing it was one really big question.

            What the shell was he going to do?

TBC………………


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 1,711 multi-chapter 2k12  
> Summary: So many things in Raph's life have changed, some for the better and some not. There is one change though that he dwells on more than others and the chance to begin again is hard to ignore.  
> Part 5 Rated PG-13  
> ~Future parts will contain yaoi

            Raph waited until everyone had gone to sleep before sneaking downstairs to forage for the provisions he planned on taking to Slash.

            With him he brought a large canvas gym bag, something he’d found in the attic. It had probably been abandoned there by April’s father, one of those out of sight, out of mind things that humans did when they wanted to avoid exercise.

            His first stop was the kitchen. Bypassing the refrigerator because Slash had no way to keep things cold, Raph opted to do his shopping in the well-stocked pantry. He picked through the canned goods, taking items that there was more than one of so the missing things wouldn’t be noticed.

            Along with that he grabbed a bag of rice, one of pinto beans, and a loaf of bread. The last thing he took were a few containers of pudding. Fortunately, April had her bank card and access to the money her mother had left her, so replenishing the supplies wouldn’t be a problem. Raph just needed to make sure that what he removed wasn’t so noticeable as to start raising questions within his family.

            Once Raph had enough food to tide Slash over for a couple of days, he added an empty gallon jug to be used as a water container, a couple of bowls, plates and cups, and some utensils. He also made sure to toss a can opener into the bag along with one cooking pot and a pan he thought wouldn’t be missed.

            Raph left the bag hidden in the downstairs coat closet so that if anyone busted him during the next part of his supply gathering trip they wouldn’t know what he was up to. As quietly as he could, he crept back upstairs and opened the linen closet, finding that it was well stocked with things April’s family had left there over the years.

            From the selection, Raph chose some heavy flannel sheets, a large blanket, and a pillow. There wasn’t room in the canvas bag for much more and Raph was limiting himself to the one bag. He figured that a single bag worth of stuff at a time would be far less noticeable than trying to get greedy and take more.

            Back downstairs he stuffed the linens into the bag and zipped it shut. Using the kitchen door, Raph made his way outside, sticking to the shadows so that if anyone looked out of a window they wouldn’t see him.

            He couldn’t risk going to the cabin right then but he wanted the bag to be somewhere he could get to it in the morning after he’d made an excuse to leave for a while. Having someone spot Raph with the bag wouldn’t be good, so he stashed it behind the barn amongst some bushes. No one ever went back there and Raph was sure it was safe from casual observation.

           Raph knew that he’d have to supplement Slash’s diet with food they caught because the mutant was large and bound to have a big appetite. There were plenty of fish in the pond and they could hunt for small game as well. Rabbits were plentiful and their coats could be sewn together to provide Slash with an extra layer of warmth.

            On his way back inside Raph realized that thinking about making a fur coat for Slash meant that his mind was accepting that this set up was going to be long term. That was certainly not the case and he needed to convince his subconscious of that fact so it could start working on a more acceptable solution.

            Raph made a point of doing nothing out of the ordinary the next morning. He rose at his usual time, grabbed some breakfast, and did a head count.

            He was sharing the kitchen with April, Don, and Casey who were either eating or cleaning up after, depending on when they’d arrived. The three of them were engaged in a conversation about April’s training and Raph chose not to get involved in the discussion, lest they enlist his aid.

            From the living room the sound of Mikey’s latest favorite cartoon told Raph where the youngest would probably be found. The only one whose whereabouts Raph couldn’t account for was Leo, so after he washed his bowl and spoon, Raph went looking for his older brother.

            It wasn’t necessary to go far; Leo was on his carapace on the living room floor, lifting and lowering his legs as he tried to build up his strength in them. Raph saw him wince slightly each time he lifted the injured leg, the sign of pain something he wouldn’t have shown if Leo had realized someone was watching him.

            Walking into the living room, Raph ignored Mikey who was sprawled upside down on the couch, totally engrossed in his cartoon. Stopping in front of Leo he watched as his brother’s expression immediately smoothed out so as to mask his pain.

            “How’s it going?” Raph asked, looking pointedly at Leo’s leg.

            “Fine,” Leo responded. “Getting stronger every day.”

            “It still hurt?” Raph kept his eyes on Leo’s face as he asked the question, wondering if his brother would lie about it.

            Raph could almost see Leo toy with the idea of fibbing but then discard the thought. Leo didn’t like to tell untruths, but he certainly wasn’t averse to a little equivocation.

            “Sometimes,” Leo said. “It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

            That was so exactly a Leo sort of thing to say that Raph nearly snorted in amusement. Then he remembered his thoughts from the night before and had a mini-epiphany; Leo would never admit a weakness to anyone but there were certain things he did or said when he needed help that only Raph understood. It was very possible that Leo, too prideful to ask for assistance, gave Raph those clues unconsciously. The two of them had always had a strong connection even when they were at odds with each other.

            Holding his hands out, Raph said, “Put your feet up here.”

            Leo looked at him for a second and then did as he was told. “Testing me?” he asked.

            “Nope,” Raph said. “We’re gonna do a leg strengthening exercise. I’m gonna spin you around so you can brace your shoulders against the couch. That way you don’t go sliding across the room. When I tell you to, I want you to push against my palms as hard as you can.”

            Without another word, Leo turned so that his shoulders and head were against the couch. Once he was in position, Raph took a couple of steps towards him, enough so that Leo had to bend his knees.

            “Let’s start off with you pushing with both legs,” Raph said, bracing himself.

            Leo’s legs were strong and Raph had to lean in a little to provide counter pressure. He could immediately tell the difference between the good and the injured leg. From the way that Leo stared at him Raph could see that Leo knew his brother wasn’t fooled.

            “Now one at a time,” Raph said, determined to find out just how weak that leg really was.

            By the time they were finished with the exercise, Leo was sweating. Raph knew it was only partly from the exertion, a good bit of it was from the discomfort that Leo was still trying to hide.

            Raph chose not to mention it, knowing that if their positions were reversed, he would do the same thing. He wished that he’d realized before that Leo needed Raph to keep on him about working that leg, but now that he was aware of the problem, Raph would find ways to help his brother. He would do it so that Leo could maintain his dignity as leader, otherwise Leo would go stubborn on him.

            “Mikey, go upstairs and run Leo a warm bath,” Raph ordered as he set Leo’s feet back on the floor.

            “I’ll miss my show,” Mikey whined as he spun around into an upright position on the couch.

            “A little less brain rot will be good for you,” Raph told him, watching as Mikey did as requested and trudged upstairs.

            “Directing my bath time?” Leo asked in a humorous manner.

            Raph reached down and pulled Leo onto his feet. “Nope, just your recovery. You worked that leg pretty good and it’s going to ache unless you soak for a while. We need you back a hundred percent if we’re gonna do something about taking back our city.”

            “Thanks bro’,” Leo said with a warm smile. “I guess if I’m going to take advice from anyone on how to best heal an injury, you’d be the one. You’ve been hurt enough times.”

            Raph chuckled. “That’s right, rub it in. You better get up there and make sure Mikey hasn’t got that water hot enough to turn you into turtle soup.”

            As Leo turned towards the stairs, he asked, “What are you going to do with yourself this morning?”

            “Since the three musketeers are off doing something together, I figured I’d go for a run and maybe a swim in the pond,” Raph said. “I’ll be back after lunch to drag Don and Mikey outside to practice. They won’t do it if I’m not riding them.”

            “I’ll help you with that,” Leo said, taking the stairs slowly. “Maybe I’m not quite ready for the vigorous stuff, but I can still bark orders.”

            Smiling as he snapped a salute, Raph watched Leo disappear into the bathroom. As soon as Leo was out of sight, Raph made a beeline for the front door and left the house.

            Raph took off at a jog without a backward glance, heading into the woods directly opposite the barn. When he’d gone out a ways, he circled back, growing more stealthy and quiet the nearer he got to his destination.

            The sound of the van’s motor turning over and then stopping told Raph that he was nearly at the barn. All he had to do now was grab the bag and get to the cabin.

            He had just started to go around behind the barn when a voice out of nowhere stopped him in his tracks.

            “Hey Raph! Where are you going?”

TBC…………………


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 2,003 multi-chapter 2k12  
> Summary: So many things in Raph's life have changed, some for the better and some not. There is one change though that he dwells on more than others and the chance to begin again is hard to ignore.  
> Part 6 Rated PG-13  
> ~Future parts will contain yaoi

            After the initial shock passed, Raph realized that his stalker was Mikey. Frozen in place, he looked around for his brother and when he didn’t see him, Raph glanced upwards. Perched on the limb of a nearby tree, Mikey stared down at him.

            “Were you following me?” Raph demanded gruffly.

            Mikey leaped down to the ground, landing effortlessly. “Nope,” he replied with a grin. “Before Leo got in the tub he said the bathroom looked dirty. Since he’s in a cleaning mood I figured I should leave him to it.”

            “Translation; you escaped before Leo could make you help,” Raph said, glaring at his brother.

            “I didn’t want to get underfoot,” Mikey protested in mock innocence.

            “Yeah, high up in a tree is sure one way to stay out from underfoot,” Raph replied sarcastically. “It’s also a good way to avoid being found at chore time.”

            Ignoring Raph’s jibes, Mikey asked, “Are you going for a walk? I could go with you so you wouldn’t be alone.”

            Mikey’s company was the last thing that Raph wanted, but he couldn’t turn his younger brother down outright. If there was anything bigger than Mikey’s appetite it was his curiosity. Saying no would only encourage Mikey to trail him.

            Thinking fast, Raph said, “I’m going on a ten mile training run and you probably _should_ come with me. You and Don are getting lazy from lack of practice. I told Leo I’d keep both of you in shape while he heals up and now would be a good time to continue with that. When we get back we’ll grab Don and have another Turtle Hunt exercise. Same rules as last time; if you two can’t stay hidden from me for one hour, you’ll both clean the chicken coop.”

            Mikey’s grin faded, the eager look disappearing from his face. Replacing it was one of pure guile as he began to back away from Raph. “That sounds great but, uh, I think I hear Leo calling me. Yep, that’s Leo. He must need my help with something. Can’t leave him hanging you know, he’s got that bum leg. Sorry bro’, maybe next time.”

            Even if Raph had wanted to protest his brother’s departure he didn’t have the chance. Mikey moved so fast that the only thing Raph saw was an orange blur.

            With a satisfied smile, Raph remained where he was for several minutes, ensuring himself that the coast was indeed clear. Once he was positive that he was alone, he quickly and silently retrieved the canvas bag, wasting no more time in heading for the cabin where Slash was staying.

            Raph approached the cabin carefully, his eyes actively scanning the area around the small shelter. He saw and heard no signs of life from either the outside or inside of the cabin itself.

            For a moment there was a sinking sensation in Raph’s stomach at the thought that Slash had taken off. It was late morning and the large mutant might have believed that Raph wasn’t going to come.

            Then he saw the door on the front end of the cabin open slightly. “Raphael?”

            Whatever had sent his stomach spiraling suddenly leaped up into Raph’s chest and his heart began to hammer. Moving towards the cabin, he said, “Yeah Slash, it’s me.”

            When he stepped inside Raph saw that Slash was standing back, clearly giving the smaller turtle room. It crossed Raph’s mind that his old friend didn’t want to do anything that would seem aggressive for fear of scaring Raph away.

            Closing the door behind him so that Slash would see that he was comfortable being in the cabin with the larger mutant, Raph said, “Sorry I’m so late. Leo needed my help with a couple of things and I had to shake Mikey off my tail. He’s bored.”

            “You don’t have to apologize for taking care of family obligations,” Slash said. “That’s something I’ve always admired about you.”

            “Even though I spent so much time griping about them?” Raph asked with an impish grin.

            “Everyone needs to feel appreciated,” Slash said in a gentle tone.

            Suddenly feeling flushed, Raph set the bag he was carrying on the floor and knelt down next to it. As he unzipped the bag, he said, “I brought some food and a few other things too. Until we can collect some rocks to make you a fire pit, you’ll have to eat cold canned food. I think we should spend our time today closing up the holes in this place.”

            Slash walked over to accept the items as Raph handed them to him. The pillow, sheets, and blanket he tossed onto the tarp that served as his bed. Everything else he placed on a couple of shelves, being surprisingly neat about how he arranged things.

            As Raph was handing him the last of the canned goods, their hands came into contact. Slash immediately froze, his larger hand partially covering Raph’s. Slash gazed down at him, his expression enigmatic, but his eyes seemed more alive than normal as they searched Raph’s green ones.

            Raph felt a slight bit of discomfiture at the intensity of Slash’s gaze, but he didn’t attempt to pull away. His friend’s skin felt good upon his own, rekindling that sense of closeness they’d once shared.

            It was Slash who finally broke the tableau, pulling his hand back as he took the can from Raph’s. When Slash turned to store the can with the other items on the shelf, Raph blinked rapidly and stood up.

            The fluttering in Raph’s chest had subsided by the time Slash looked at him again.

            “Why don’t you eat some breakfast while I go through the wooden planks outside?” Raph suggested. “We’ll get the roof fixed first and then work on that double door.”

            “Food sounds good,” Slash said, eagerly looking towards the items he’d just received.

            A bit of guilt touched Raph then for having taken so long to get to the cabin. Slash seemed to sense it and turned back to his friend, moving a couple of steps towards him.

            “Thank you, Raphael,” Slash said with a sincerity that made the red banded turtle smile self-consciously.

            “No problem,” Raph responded, thinking how lame that sounded after it came out.

            “You’ve always been good to me,” Slash said, his eyes almost glowing as they studied the other turtle.

            Raph rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “You’re my best bud,” he responded. “Always have been.”

            “I like that,” Slash said simply.

            With a nod of acknowledgment, Raph went outside. As he picked through the stack of planks, he thought about how different Slash had become. Maybe it was that three month journey that Slash had taken to find him. Being alone in unfamiliar terrain had no doubt given Slash time to think about many things.

            The changes in Slash were giving Raph a few things to think about as well. The more time they spent together, the less Raph thought of him as Spike. It was sad to have that memory fade, but the mutated version was proving to be invigorating to be around. Raph had no clue why he was reacting differently to being near Slash, but it was far from unpleasant.

            It wasn’t long before Slash joined him outside. Raph had Slash give him a boost onto the roof and then hand him the things he needed to repair the two holes that were there.

            By the time the double doors had been fixed the sun, seen through the canopy of trees, was high up in the sky. Unless he wanted his brothers to come looking for him again, Raph knew he’d have to leave soon.

            Stretching his arms over his head, Raph stepped back to study his handiwork. The door was nice and solid again and there were no more openings in the cabin. Now Slash could use the camp light that was inside without worrying that it would attract a swarm of bugs.

            “Donatello is not the only one who is good with his hands,” Slash commented, moving over to stand next to Raph.

            “This was a joint effort,” Raph said, jerking a thumb towards the cabin. “We make a good team.”

            Raph regretted his choice of phrasing as soon as it slipped out but Slash only smiled. “Yes, I believe we do.”

            “I’d better grab my bag and head back to the farmhouse,” Raph said, walking inside the cabin. “I told Leo I’d return after lunch and I don’t need them worrying about where I’ve gone.”

            “Because they might find you’ve hidden me in the woods,” Slash said with a touch of humor.

            “You’re the one who insisted it’d be better if you stayed out here,” Raph reminded him.

            “Indeed I did,” Slash said, acknowledging the fact. “The solitude is nice, but it’s better when the only other being around is you.”

            Raph’s cheeks started to heat up and he shuffled his feet on the ground. Glancing around to avoid eye contact with Slash, he spotted the bedding that had been haphazardly tossed onto the tarp.

            Walking across the room, Raph knelt down and began spreading the flannel sheets out over the tarp, creating a thin layer of cushioning for his friend. He opened the blanket on top of the sheets and then folded it back once before setting the pillow in place.

            He didn’t realize that Slash was next to him until the large mutant touched his shoulder. Startled, Raph quickly rose to his feet, but didn’t back away.

            “You’re hovering,” Slash told him.

            Raph looked up at Slash, acutely aware of how close they were to each other.

            “Yeah, well . . . .” Raph began, unsure as to what he should say.

            “I’m not your pet turtle anymore, you don’t need to do everything for me,” Slash said with a smile. Lifting his arms, he wiggled his fingers. “I even have hands now.”

            The pair looked at each other for a second and then started laughing.

            As his laughter began to die down, Raph said, “I guess old habits are hard to break.”

            “I find it charming that you still care that much,” Slash said, his voice deepening slightly.

           For some reason the deeper sound made it hard for Raph to breathe. Swallowing heavily, he said, “Of course I do. You’ll always be important to me.”

            Once again Slash’s expression was hard to read as he stared intently into Raph’s eyes. “Old habits are good, but I think making new ones together would be better.”

            There was a strange suggestiveness in the way that Slash said those words that sent a shiver down Raph’s spine. “I can do that,” Raph said, hearing his own voice crack just a little.

            Slash’s jaw moved out and back, almost as if he was tasting his next words. Whatever he’d wanted to say, he seemed to swallow them and instead told Raph, “As much as I wish you could stay all day, we don’t want your brothers to start searching for you.”

            Clearing his throat, Raph went back to where his bag lay and picked it up. “I’ve got to run some drills with Don and Mikey this afternoon. Neither of them will work out if I don’t stay on them.”

            “I hope they are coming to understand how much you do for them,” Slash said.

            Raph remembered how often he used to rant on the subject and said sheepishly, “We’ve all done a lot of growing up.”

            “It suits you well,” Slash said.

            Opening the door, Raph asked, “Will you be okay tonight? I don’t know if I can make it back today.”

            Slash glanced around the cabin, which seemed far more homey and comfortable now that things had been fixed.

            “Yes, I’ll be fine,” Slash said, looking Raph directly in the eye. “I have _almost_ everything I need.”

            Raph pulled the door shut behind him and started back to the farmhouse. He didn’t need a translator to understand what Slash meant.

TBC………


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 2,246 multi-chapter 2k12  
> Summary: So many things in Raph's life have changed, some for the better and some not. There is one change though that he dwells on more than others and the chance to begin again is hard to ignore.  
> Part 7 Rated PG-13  
> ~Future parts will contain yaoi

            Raph made it back to the farmhouse before anyone began to actively wonder where he was. On his way there he took the precaution of stepping into the pond and splashing water on himself so that it would look as though he’d been for a swim.

            Before he reached the farmhouse clearing, Raph found a new hiding spot for the canvas bag. He would poke around the kitchen later and see if there was anything else he could take to Slash. Raph knew he’d have to be careful that the items he removed wouldn’t be missed.

            After grabbing a quick sandwich to sate his hunger, Raph did as he’d promised Leo and rounded up Don and Mikey for a practice session.

            Leo joined his brothers in the yard and while Raph worked the younger two, Leo went through his katas slowly so as not to strain his leg. Every so often Leo would stop and watch their practice with a critical eye.

           The only time Leo spoke though was when one of his brothers tried to argue with Raph’s instruction. His words were not only supportive, but also made it clear that Raph was in charge of their training.

           Raph had never realized how much confidence Leo actually had in him until that moment. They often butted heads when it came to strategy, but Raph was starting to understand that they needed each other. Their disagreements were valuable in that they forced both Leo and Raph to look at every angle of a situation and make the best possible choices.

           As bad as their current circumstances were, it had helped them to discover a mutual respect for one another. Unfortunately, that also added to Raph’s guilt over hiding Slash’s presence from his brothers.

           Throughout the remainder of the day Raph’s mind remained on his ongoing dilemma. He was practical enough to know that he couldn’t keep Slash stashed at the cabin forever, but he was hard pressed to figure out a solution that included his brothers' acceptance of the large mutant who had once tried to destroy them.

           After dinner Raph joined his family in the living room, settling into one of the dining room chairs which he’d placed slightly apart from everyone else. He tried to get involved in the television show the others were watching, but the sight of April seated between Don and Casey was distracting.

           Raph’s eyes were continually drawn to the silent battle the two males waged in their attempt to draw April’s attentions. Finally fed up with their antics, the girl grasped and held both of their hands, solving the problem of the moment.

           Silently rising from his seat, Raph left the house, walking across the darkened yard to the swing. He sat down with a deep sigh, glancing at the bright windows of the farmhouse before looking up at the sky.

           Something in him ached to be with Slash right now. Raph could picture the turtle sitting on the floor of the cabin, surrounded by silence as he ate a lone and meager dinner. Laughter from inside the bright farmhouse only served to sharpen the contrast between what he had and what Slash did not.

           Despite how Leo was reaching out to him, Raph’s choice to help Slash was based on the large turtle’s greater and more immediate need. It was a matter of weighing Leo’s desire to keep their family strong against Slash’s very survival.

           Then there was the strange pull that Raph felt when he was with Slash. The big guy had teased Raph about hovering, but if Raph were truly honest with himself, only a little of that was from a residual protective feeling on his part.

           Raph hadn’t wanted to leave the cabin. Despite the awkward nervousness that had overcome him whenever Slash was near, Raph was nevertheless drawn to him. He’d felt a touch of that in the city whenever they met, but out here away from all the turmoil, it was stronger.

           That morning Slash had told Raph that he had almost everything he needed. Raph didn’t require a brain the size of Don’s to understand that Slash hadn’t only spent three months following his trail from New York to here because he was worried about his former owner. Slash had done so because he wanted to be with Raph.

           Slash had explained that Raph was family and the only one he had. There was more to it than that. Raph wouldn’t feel so warm or become so breathless when he was close to Slash if the mutant only thought of him as a friend or caretaker.

           It was at times like this when Raphael felt Master Splinter’s loss most deeply. His father was the only one he could talk to about his deepest emotions without fear of ridicule or being marginalized.

           Just as Raph thought about how much he missed his father, the front door opened and Leo stepped onto the porch. After closing the door carefully behind him, Leo walked to the steps and looked around. When he spotted Raph, he came down and made his way over to the swing.

           Raph took it as some sort of sign that Leo had appeared just as he was lamenting the fact that he had no one to talk to. Maybe he couldn’t exactly tell Leo everything, but he didn’t have to keep it all bottled up inside either.

            As Leo drew closer, Raph scooted over to make room for him. Leo accepted the unspoken invitation and sat down, glancing at Raph and then lifting his head to study the stars as his younger brother was doing.

            Neither of them talked for several minutes before Leo asked softly, “You know he’s out there somewhere, right? I think we’d know if he was . . . gone. We’d feel it.”

            “Yeah,” Raph agreed with a sigh. “I just wish we knew what to do about it.”

            “I think,” Leo began before pausing a second. Raph looked over at him, seeing that Leo was trying to find words for something that was hard to convey. “I think he’ll find a way to tell us,” he finished.

            “Hope so,” Raph said, understanding what Leo was attempting to express. “Guiding us is kind of his thing.”

            Another few minutes of silence descended on them and then Leo asked, “You’re thinking about more than just Master Splinter, aren’t you?”

            Raph glanced at him and then away. “Do you ever wonder about what things will be like when we’re older?”

            “Sure. I guess. Well, all the time,” Leo admitted. “Anything in particular?”

            “You think we’re always gonna be . . . alone?” Raph asked hesitantly, shooting another quick look at his brother and then avoiding eye contact.

            “We’re not alone,” Leo said, brow furrowing. “We have each other and our friends.”

            “That’s not what I meant,” Raph said. “Is it always going to be the same; you leading, me being a hot head, Donnie a lovesick nerd and Mikey a goob?”

            “I don’t even know what a goob is,” Leo responded lightly. Seeing the serious expression on Raph’s face, he asked, “Are you worried about change? You know what Master Splinter says, change happens whether we’re prepared for it or not.”

            “I ain’t worried about change. I’m worried about things that don’t change,” Raph stressed. “All of the things we don’t have a chance at.”

            Leo’s brow smoothed a little as he started to catch on. “The normal things that humans take for granted?”

            “Yeah, kinda,” Raph said. A short span of quiet settled on them before Raph spoke again. “You know how I’m always telling Don he ain’t got a chance with April and that he should stop making a fool of himself? Him giving up ain’t what I really hope for. I say it partly because I want him to quit mooning and partly because I don’t want to see him get hurt.”

            “Do you worry about how he’ll react if she chooses Casey?” Leo asked.

            “Some,” Raph said and then straightened up, determined to say what he’d been keeping to himself since they’d met April. “I want her to choose Don. If that can happen for him then it could happen for the rest of us too.”

            “Ahh,” Leo said, looking at Raph intently.

            “Tell me you didn’t have those same kinds of thoughts about Karai,” Raph demanded, growing more animated. “Master Splinter never talked to us about that stuff. Why is that? Does he think we won’t ever have that chance? If Don got with April would Master Splinter say it was okay?”

            “I never heard him say he was against it,” Leo said with a frown.

            “I overheard him tell Don not to get his hopes up,” Raph told him.

            “That isn’t the same as saying no,” Leo pointed out gently.

            “I suppose not,” Raph said, looking back up at the stars. “It’s not very encouraging though.”

            Another round of laughter from the farmhouse reached them as they both contemplated the night sky. After a couple of minutes, Leo ventured to ask, “Were you thinking of someone in particular?”

            The question caught Raph off guard and he shifted in his seat, making the swing move. Bracing his feet on the ground to stop the motion, he said, “I don’t know what you mean. We were talking about Don and April.”

            “Were we?” Leo asked, staring intently at his brother. “Why do I get the feeling that the situation we discussed might be the same for you?”

            “I ain’t responsible for your feelings,” Raph responded gruffly. “Just ‘cause I said I wanted a little hope for the rest of us doesn’t mean I had anything particular in mind.”

            “Did you meet someone that you like the way Don likes April?” Leo asked outright, ignoring his brother’s protests.

            “Where’d you get that idea?” Raph countered, wondering if Leo was guessing at things or if he knew more than he was letting on.

            “Your train of thought tonight and the fact that you’re poised to jump up and run off at any second,” Leo said, looking down at Raph’s feet, which were flat on the ground, his legs stiff.

            Raph forced himself to relax. He was the one who wanted to talk through some things and he couldn’t very well act paranoid when the conversation got too close to his present situation. Especially not when it was Leo he was discussing things with. His brother was astute and Raph should have known he’d question Raph’s motives in bringing up the present subject.

            “Force of habit,” Raph said with a laugh. He remembered he’d used that line as an excuse with Slash as well. “Anytime you ask a straight up question I get defensive. Sorry bro’, gotta work on that.”

            “So no one in particular but you’d like to have someone,” Leo said, hanging on to the notion like a pit bull.

            His older brother wasn’t a quitter and Raph had to do some fast thinking.

            “Wouldn’t you? Karai is Master Splinter’s blood but not ours. It’s no secret to any of us how you feel about her,” Raph said, deftly turning the focus back on his brother.

            Leo had the courtesy to blush and Raph grinned at the sight. “She’s human, she’ll want to be with someone of her own kind,” Leo said.

            “She’s a mutant now,” Raph said bluntly. “Karai’s a mutant and April’s a mutant. Not exactly like us, but not exactly fully human either. I’d say if we’re gonna get a chance at a love life, it’s gonna be with another mutant.”

            “Considering what the Kraang have done, there are probably plenty to choose from in New York,” Leo said dryly.

            The way he said it made Raph chuckle and then start to laugh. Within a second Leo was laughing with him.

            “I guess that shouldn’t be funny considering,” Raph said as their laughter died down, “but if you don’t find humor during the bad times, you’ll go nuts.”

            “You’ve got that right,” Leo agreed before standing up. “It’s getting late and I need to remind Mikey to go to bed or he’ll watch TV all night. Are you coming in?”

            Raph inhaled deeply and rose from the swing. “Yeah, I could use some sleep.”

            They started back towards the farmhouse and Leo said, “You had a pretty active day, I’d imagine you’re tired. By the way, how was your swim? Was the water cold?”

            Raph’s eyes darted over to his brother and then away. The only expression on Leo’s face was open curiosity, but that didn’t mean the older turtle wasn’t growing suspicious. He could easily put together the topic they’d just discussed with Raph’s absences and wonder what his red banded brother was up to.

            Bum leg or not, if Leo decided he wanted to know more, he was stealthy enough to follow Raph without giving himself away.

            “Not as cold as you might think,” Raph answered in an even tone. “But then, I was feeling pretty warm after that long run I went on. Be nice when you build up your strength if you could come with me.”

            “All four of us will go,” Leo promised with a smile, preceding Raph up the steps and into the house.

            That statement might have sounded innocent to anyone else, but not to Raph. He was going to have to be a whole lot more cautious from now on.

TBC……………….


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 3,024 multi-chapter 2k12  
> Summary: So many things in Raph's life have changed, some for the better and some not. There is one change though that he dwells on more than others and the chance to begin again is hard to ignore.  
> Part 8 Rated PG-13

            Raphael lay awake, his eyes glued to the ceiling and his mind in a whirl. He wanted desperately to gather supplies for Slash as he had done the night before, but after his conversation with Leonardo, the red banded turtle was afraid to make a move.

            Leo was a light sleeper under normal conditions, but if he had suspicions about Raph’s activities, he would wake even easier. Raph had employed a great deal of stealth the previous night and wasn’t sure of his ability to be even more silent.

            It was quite late before he decided that Slash had enough supplies to tide him over for another day. Having mentally settled that argument, Raph fell into a fitful sleep.

            His lack of sleep showed the following morning. Though he managed to rise at the regular time, he was not in the best of moods. Michelangelo’s chattering at breakfast irritated him and he snapped at his youngest brother, then turned a full out glare on Donatello when the genius told him good morning.

            Shoveling cereal into his mouth, Raph tried to ignore Leo who was seated across from him and openly staring. After a few minutes of that, Raph looked up.

            “What?” Raph demanded.

            “Didn’t you sleep well?” Leo asked.

            “No,” Raph answered flatly before returning to his breakfast.

            “It thought I heard someone in the kitchen night before last,” Leo said. “Was that you?”

            Raph froze, his spoon halfway to his mouth. He was sure no one had seen him hide the supply bag and was positive that no one had followed him. He decided to bluff it out.

            “I got thirsty,” Raph said. “Thought I was quiet.”

            “You were,” Leo told him. “I suppose it’s the lack of subway sounds but I seem to hear everything at night.”

            “Yeah,” Raph agreed. His eyes locked with Leo’s. “Guess that’s why I’m not sleeping too well.”

            “I hear something chirping every morning,” Mikey said, his eyes wide. “It sounds like some kind of code.”

            “That’s your alarm clock,” Don said caustically. “The one you always ignore.”

            Mikey stared at Don skeptically. “I think I’d know if I had an alarm clock ‘cause I’d have to turn it off, D.”

            With an exasperated look, Don said, “I’m the one who turns it off, Mikey. You have it set for very early so you can watch cartoons but then you sleep through the alarm. It wakes me every morning instead.”

            Raph was happy for their argument because it gave him a momentary respite from Leo’s questions. His older brother was still looking at him so when April wandered into the kitchen, Raph jumped up to give her his seat.

            “You aren’t going far are you Raph?” Leo asked before Raph could get out the door. “I thought we’d try to go back to regular morning training sessions.”

            Raph stopped and turned around, noting that Leo hadn’t touched his breakfast yet. The expression on Leo’s face was intent but there was also a touch of underlying need. Whatever annoyance Raph felt at Leo’s questioning dissipated when he saw the look in his brother’s eyes.

            “Including me?” April asked hopefully.

            “You ain’t leaving me out,” Casey said as he swept into the kitchen, slapping Raph on his shell as he passed his friend.

            “Just one big happy training session,” Raph muttered.

            If Leo noticed the hint of sarcasm in Raph’s voice he didn’t show it. “If we’re going to fight the Kraang together we need to learn to work as a team,” he stated.

            It didn’t escape Raph’s attention that Leo sounded quite pleased now, the inquisitive tone gone from his voice. Leo wanted to pick up where they’d left off when they’d been chased from the city, he wanted them to get back into a normal routine, he needed them to be a family. Most of all, Leo seemed to need Raph in order to make that all happen.

            Raph sighed in resignation, knowing he wasn’t going to be leaving the farmhouse for a long while, possibly not even that day.

            All in all, their practice went well. Leo worked with both April and Casey, helping April to hone her skills as a kunoichi and teaching Casey that there was more to fighting than simple brute force. Working with the pair of virtual novices provided Leo the exercise he needed without the necessity of using his full range of motion.

            That left Raph to train the two more advanced ninjas on their team. Leo’s training technique involved a lot of repetition and lecturing, Raph’s was more physical. He made sure that when his brothers slacked off or lost focus, they got a lesson in pain as reinforcement.

           After knocking Donnie on his butt a couple of times for paying more attention to what April was doing than on his own practice bout, Raph managed to get the genius’ head into his training. Whenever Mikey’s eyes or mind started to wander, a well-placed fist to the back of his head got him on track again. Before long Mikey was focusing on where Raph’s hands were and as a result, also listening to what his brother was telling him.

           By the time that Leo decided they’d trained enough it was well past the lunch hour. Raph ate lunch with his family but didn’t contribute much to the conversation because he was trying to think of a way to escape from the farmhouse long enough to check on Slash.

           Raph didn’t notice that Leo wasn’t talking much either. What he did notice was that it wasn’t until almost everyone else had excused themselves from the table that Leo got up to leave. It only required Raph seeing his brother take two steps to understand why. Leo was limping.

           “You overdid it, didn’t you?” Raph asked. “You do know that when you’re training someone to fight you’re supposed to spend most of your time watching them.”

           “It’s easier to train April by showing her what to do,” Leo argued, “and if I don’t step in Casey resorts to street tactics.”

           “If I remember correctly, Donnie gave you specific rehab exercises to do and told you to rest that leg as much as possible,” Raph chastised. “I’m pretty sure he did not tell you to pick and choose how much of a workout you could do.”

           “For how long?” Leo asked, a strained sound in his voice. “The longer I’m out of commission the longer we’ll be stuck here.”

           “As long as it takes bro’,” Raph told him. “Trying to rush the healing process isn’t a good plan and the added stress just makes things worse. I’m in a hurry to go home, find Master Splinter, and kick the Kraang out of the city too. You’re usually the one telling _me_ to chill.”

           Leo lowered his head, his expression pained. “I know,” he said contritely. “I’m not doing a very good job of leading, am I?”

           “You’re doing fine,” Raph reassured him. “If you want us all to learn how to fight as a team then we’re going to have to stay here a little longer. You’ll have time to heal up while you’re training April and Casey, as long as you don’t push yourself harder than you should. Sorta killing two birds with one stone, right?”

           “You’re pretty wise, you know that Raph?” Leo said, giving his brother an admiring look.

           Raph shrugged. “Yeah, well don’t tell anyone. I try to hide my smarts behind my temper. Come on upstairs and let’s get you settled in a warm bath to help with that pain and stiffness.”

           Leo refused help in climbing the stairs, determined that the rest of their group not realize how much he was hurting. It probably would have been a good thing to have Don assess the injury again, but Leo was adamant that only Raph know how much trouble his leg was giving him.

           Once Leo was soaking in the tub, Raph went back downstairs and looked around for his brothers and friends. Mikey was parked in front of the TV again, April was arranging flowers in a pot, and Raph found Don and Casey working on the van. With a few curt words he pulled everyone away from their activities and gathered them around him in the barn.

           Without preliminaries, Raph said, “That practice session we had this morning is gonna be a regular thing from now on. Everyone shows up on time and had better be ready to work hard. If you ain’t there on time I’m gonna kick your tail bone hard _before_ I listen to any excuses.”

           “Since when do you tell us what to do?” Don asked with a frown.

           “Since I noticed Leo is trying to do everything by himself,” Raph shot back. “He’s got a bum leg and shouldn’t have to run around in circles getting us to do what we already know we should be doing.”

           “Where is he?” April asked.

           “I shoved him in a tub of hot water to soak,” Raph said. “While he’s doing that we’re going to clean the house.”

           “But Don and I were in the middle of . . . .” Casey began.

           “It’ll keep,” Raph snapped. “Until the house is clean and dinner is on the table, nobody does anything else, and that means the TV stays off, Mikey.”

           “Tyrant,” Mikey said with a pout.

           Raph’s grin wasn’t pleasant. “That’s probably the nicest thing you’re gonna call me before this day is done. March.”

           There was a general grumbling amongst the four but they did as Raph said. Perhaps they understood on a deeper level that he was right, or they were afraid of what he’d do if they didn’t follow his orders, but the house got cleaned.

           While they were working, Raph monitored Leo’s time in the tub, getting him out when the water started to cool. He told his older brother that everyone was cleaning the house as a surprise for him and in that way convinced Leo to go to his room and lie down.

           Raph stood with his hands on his hips as he surveyed the farmhouse a couple of hours later. April and Mikey were putting dinner on the table while Casey helped Don finish the repairs on a pair of dining chairs so that the entire group could sit down to a meal together. That was his final gift of the day to Leo; something to assure his brother that the family was still whole.

           Though Leo didn’t make a big deal of it when he came down, Raph could tell by his expression that the gathering offered him a sense of serenity he hadn’t felt in a while. Partway through the meal Leo caught Raph’s eye and smiled, tipping his head down to acknowledge that he knew his red banded brother had arranged everything.

           An added bonus to the day’s events was that everyone was tired enough so that they all turned in early. All but Leo, who sat on the couch watching television.

           “You going to bed soon?” Raph asked.

           Leo glanced at him and then back at the news broadcast. “In a bit. I’m not very sleepy after that nap you insisted I take.”

           Raph frowned, seeing his opportunities for supply gathering dwindle. “Don’t stay up watching the news all night,” he said, keeping the disappointment from his voice. “It’s a downer.”

           Leo lifted a hand in acknowledgment and with a last look at him, Raph went up to bed.

           Sometime around two in the morning Raph woke up from a semi-deep sleep, glancing at the clock and blinking to full wakefulness. He had checked on Leo at midnight and found his brother sound asleep on the couch. After tossing a blanket over him, Raph had resigned himself to the fact that he wouldn’t be able to collect supplies for Slash.

           As Raph contemplated whether it would be safe to sneak off and at least check on his friend, he heard the sound of pebbles hitting his window. Thinking that might have been what had awakened him in the first place, he got out of bed and pulled the curtains aside.

           There was only a quarter moon out and the clouds that had been rolling in during the day cast a deep shadow over the yard. Lifting the window pane, Raph leaned partway out and immediately saw Slash pop out of hiding and wave at him.

           Almost at the same time Raph heard a thump from inside the house. Panicked, he bolted through the open window, clambered lightly over the roof top, and dropped down into the yard. Without saying a word, he caught hold of Slash’s arm and swiftly bundled him off to the barn.

           Even though the barn was a good distance from the house, Raph kept his voice low. “What are you doing here?”

           “I grew worried when I didn’t see you,” Slash answered, his brow furrowed. “I began to think something had happened.”

           “You took a big chance,” Raph said. “How did you know which window was mine?”

           “Your scent of course,” Slash told him, complacency smoothing his brow. “I always know where you are. Why didn’t you come today?”

           Raph released his arm and said, “Leo started asking questions. Apparently he heard me moving around in the house the other night. I had to stay close to ward off his suspicions.”

           “He’s holding you back, just as he always does,” Slash remarked darkly.

           Shaking his head, Raph said, “We’re not going to start this again. I told you before I’m not going to choose between you and my brothers. I shouldn’t have to. You guys should be able to find a way to make peace and that’s not going to happen if you carry a grudge.”

           “We aren’t going to make peace if I’m not allowed to interact with your family either,” Slash said, staring hard into Raph’s eyes.

           “Look, give me some time to work this out, okay?” Raph asked, his voice carrying an appeal. “Please just stay at the cabin until then. I’ll come to see you tomorrow; I’ll find a way.”

           Slash didn’t look appeased. “Leonardo is trying to possess you. I noticed it long ago.”

           Exasperated, Raph said, “No he’s not. He’s my brother and he’s our clan leader. Our dad is missing and Leo is trying to make sure this family sticks together.” A thought struck him. “Are you jealous of Leo?”

           “Perhaps of the time he gets to spend with you,” Slash said, his gaze unwavering.

           “I spend time with all of my brothers,” Raph pointed out.

           “But mostly with Leonardo,” Slash insisted.

           Raph took a deep breath. “Leo depends on me and needs me right now because of his injuries.”

           Slash’s voice was suddenly tender. “I need you too.”

           Raph suddenly realized that there was more to Slash’s coming to find him than his thinking something had happened to his former owner. “Were you afraid that I might have packed up and left?”

           “Maybe,” Slash admitted slowly. “I know that you are under a lot of stress; I could see it in your face the night I found you. Maybe you feel like you have to take care of me again and it’s too much for you.”

           “No it’s not,” Raph blurted almost before Slash finished speaking. Taking a step closer to the larger turtle, he said in as strong a tone as he could manage, “Yes I’m feeling pressure what with worrying over Master Splinter and what happened to the city. I’m upset that we couldn’t stop it and I’m concerned about Leo not being the same because his injured leg is holding him back.

           “All of that is more of a burden than I’m used to but caring for you was something I chose to do a long time ago and has always been the one responsibility I wanted. That hasn’t changed.”

           Slash’s face was instantly transformed by a broad smile. “I told you before that I’m capable of providing most things for myself now. The one thing I need above all else is your company but I understand I’ll have to share your time. Don’t worry, I’ll wait at the cabin as you ask.”

           Loneliness was something Raph was acutely familiar with and he felt a pang at leaving his friend to his own devices for so long. “I’ll come tomorrow, no matter what. We can go fishing.”

           “I would enjoy that,” Slash said.

           With a nod, Raph padded over to the door and glanced out, happy to see that his departure had apparently gone unnoticed. While his eyes swept the yard, he said, “Stick close to the shadows of the barn when you go out so no one will see you from the house.”

           When he turned to make sure Slash understood, he found that the large mutant was almost on top of him. Startled, Raph didn’t move as Slash suddenly caught him in a bear hug, pulling him close.

           Unsure of what to do, Raph lifted his arms and patted Slash’s shell in what he hoped was a comforting manner.

           Thinking that the hug was a spontaneous reaction that wouldn’t last long, Raph was surprised when Slash began to nuzzle his neck. Stiffening slightly, Raph was about to push Slash away when he realized that the show of affection felt good. Very good in fact; good enough so that it started to excite him.

           In the next moment Slash raked his ragged bottom jaw across Raph’s collar bone, sending a feeling so foreign through his body that it seemed to electrify Raph, leaving his legs trembling.

           Raph shivered in Slash’s embrace and the big turtle released him, stepping back with a knowing grin.

           “Until tomorrow,” Slash said in a voice pitched lower than normal, the tone sending another shudder through Raph.

           Then Slash was gone, leaving Raph standing there stunned and unmoving.

           It took a quarter of an hour for Raph to gather his senses enough to go back to the house, concerns over Leo catching him gone from his head.

TBC………………..


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 2,928 multi-chapter 2k12  
> Summary: So many things in Raph's life have changed, some for the better and some not. There is one change though that he dwells on more than others and the chance to begin again is hard to ignore.  
> Part 9 Rated PG-13

            Raph’s mind wasn’t completely on practice the next morning. Fortunately, as the self-appointed instructor for Don and Mikey, he could set them to sparring against each other without anyone being the wiser to his lack of focus.

            Except possibly Leo. The elder turtle, having taken Raph’s advice to spend more time watching April and Casey rather than physically engaging with them, was periodically casting looks in Raph’s direction. It wasn’t the type of glances that implied Leo’s keeping track of what his brothers were working on, the expression on Leo’s face was more speculative.

            No matter how often Raph told himself to be careful not to show too much to Leo, he couldn’t stop his mind from drifting back to the night before. He wasn’t surprised that Slash had come to the farmhouse to see him; after all he had tracked Raph all the way from New York City. Nor did it surprise him that Slash wanted to be near the one turtle he considered family, in his place that’s what Raph would have chosen to do.

            What did get under Raph’s shell was Slash’s show of affection. No, scratch that. Not the fact that Slash would show his former owner/protector affection, but the level of dominance that Slash displayed as he did so.

            Though when Raph thought about it, he had to remind himself that Slash was older than him. Raph had mutated as a hatchling, Slash had mutated as an adult turtle.

            An adult turtle who had never had a mate. As soon as Raph’s thoughts went that direction he shivered, the memory of Slash’s jaw raking across his collar bone coming unbidden into his mind.

            Right at that second Leo’s head shot up and turned in Raph’s direction, his nostrils flaring. Cursing inwardly, Raph forced his attention back to his two battling brothers and began fussing at them for their sloppy performance. His anger at himself and their laziness effectively eradicated the scent of Raph’s pheromones.

            From the corner of his eye he saw Leo frown and a puzzled expression cross his countenance. Leo’s head swiveled back to April and Casey, who were twisted together wrestling rather than sparring and the frown cleared. Raph breathed a sigh of relief at seeing that Leo was obviously convinced that the scent of arousal was coming from them.

            As soon as practice ended, Raph watched as Don quickly descended on the pair of humans, inserting himself between them when they started walking back towards the house. Mikey bounced along behind the trio, clearly happy to get away from his two work driven brothers.

            “Are you okay?” Leo asked, stepping up alongside Raph and drawing his attention.

            “Isn’t that supposed to be my question?” Raph countered. “I was glad to see you taking my advice and not overdoing it.”

            “You can’t change the subject,” Leo told him. “You worry about me, I worry about you.”

            Raph shrugged. “Nothing wrong with me.” It suddenly came to him that this was turning into an opportunity he needed to grab. Tossing his head slightly he added, “Nothing that some alone time wouldn’t cure. I guess it ain’t just the quiet that makes it hard for me to relax. Back home I got used to running the roof tops by myself for a little while every night. Maybe if I take part of the afternoon each day and go on a run or swim or something by myself it’ll relieve the stress in the same way.”

            Leo was examining Raph as he spoke, reminding the red banded turtle of the way Don appeared when he’d gotten a new specimen. “Are you feeling cooped up?”

            “Yeah,” Raph said. “You know how I am. I need to have a physical outlet ‘cause otherwise my muscles get all twitchy and jumpy. I can’t sit and meditate the way you do, that doesn’t work for me.”

           “You don’t have to remind me we’re different in that way,” Leo said with a half-smile. “Running by yourself is a form of meditation too, do you realize that?”

            “I’ll take your word for it,” Raph said, happy that Leo wasn’t giving him a hard time. “Speaking of meditation . . . .”

            Leo took the hint. “Yes, I’m going to do just that. In fact, I think I’ll have April sit with me. Master Splinter had just started teaching her to meditate when the Kraang found us. He’d want me to pick up where he left off.”

            “How do you plan to keep Mikey from bothering you?” Raph asked. _“And me,”_ he thought to himself.

            “Actually I need to send Casey and Don after supplies,” Leo said. “Mikey can go with them; he’s the one who noticed we’re running low on some things. He can make sure they don’t forget anything.”

            “They aren’t going to thank you for that,” Raph said dryly, feeling a touch of self-reproach at having raided their stores again after Slash had left him the night before.

            “Mikey’s presence will serve a dual purpose,” Leo said, grinning slyly. “He’ll keep them from sniping at each other.”

            “You always have a plan, don’t you?” Raph asked with a laugh. “If you’re sure you’ve got this, I’m gonna take off.”

            Leo reached out to give Raph’s shoulder a squeeze. “Go do your thing.”

            Raph started to move off towards the woods but Leo’s next words stopped him. “I hope some time to yourself will help you sleep better. I heard you moving around again last night.”

            Thinking fast, Raph said, “I came down a couple of times to check on you after you fell asleep on the couch. Sorry bro’, I would have shuffled you off to bed if I’d known I woke you up. That couch ain’t the most comfortable spot in the house.”

            “No it’s okay,” Leo assured him. “I just thought I heard a window open.”

            “That would have been me,” Raph said, sticking as close to the truth as possible. “It got stuffy in my room.”

            They heard the television come to life and Leo cringed. “I’d better go inside and start those guys moving before Mikey gets caught up in some show.”

            “Have fun with that,” Raph said hastily. “Later bro’.”

            Raph took off at a lope, not wanting to appear too eager, but not wanting to move too slow for fear something would come up to stop his escape. That was exactly what it felt like too, an escape. From responsibility, from worry, from the almost oppressive emotions that were given off by the others in the farmhouse.

            His concerns over Slash’s survival abilities had lessened with each of their interactions and now all Raph felt as he sped towards his friend was eagerness. He remained cautious though; Leo wasn’t given to lies but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t postpone his own plans in favor of following his brother.

            Raph couldn’t really be angry about that either. He knew that what Leo had said was true; they worried about each other. Leo knew that the extra burden placed on Raph’s shoulders because of his older brother’s leg injury was not only heavy but unusual for the strong tempered turtle.

            Leo had been understanding when Raph had told him he needed alone time and it probably wasn’t only because of assurances that it would help to relieve his stress. The older turtle no doubt feared that Raph would pop a cork if he couldn’t do his own thing for a few hours a day.

            At least Raph hoped that was Leo’s reasoning. Too many of their recent conversations had felt as if Leo had a hidden agenda behind his words. Maybe that was paranoia on Raph’s part, or maybe he was mistaking dependence for some deeper motivation.

            Or maybe the whole thing was just Raph’s guilt over keeping a very big secret from his family and he was beating himself up over it. All of the lying and the subterfuge didn’t help, but Raph wasn’t ready yet to face his fear of the consequences from an ultimatum Leo might issue with regards to Slash.

            Raph took a circuitous route to the cabin after retrieving the pillow case into which he’d placed additional food stuffs for Slash. Using an overabundance of caution, he switched back on his own trail several times just to be sure no one had been inclined to follow him.

            Just as he’d begun to believe that he was in the clear, Raph suddenly got the feeling that he was being watched. Right as that notion hit, he heard a rustling sound from somewhere nearby and dropped the pillow case before swiftly drawing his weapons.

            As the handles hit his hands, Raph ducked behind a tree, slipping up into its branches in the blink of an eye. Going completely still, he listened for more of the tell-tale sounds.

            Again he heard it, the faint susurration of sound. It lasted long enough for Raph to determine that it was coming from a dense growth of bushes several yards from his position.

            A nice canopy of trees grew over the bushes and Raph silently leaped from his branch into one that gave him a view into the center of the mass. Just below him, obviously trying not to be seen, squatted Slash.

            “Who are you hiding from?” Raph asked in a whisper.

            Slash jerked upright, swiveling his head to look up at the ninja. With an abashed expression on his face, Slash said, “I was lying in wait for you. I knew you would keep your promise to go fishing with me and I wanted to see if I could surprise you but your training is as good as I remember it to be.”

            With a cocky grin, Raph jumped down from his perch. Before he landed, he spotted something lying on the ground next to Slash’s feet. “What did you bring with you?”

            Pushing aside the bushes that surrounded his hiding spot, Slash grabbed the objects from the ground before stepping into the open. With a proud smile, he held up two fishing poles.

            “I found these in the cabin,” Slash said. “There was a spool of fishing line and some hooks in a box on one of the shelves, so I fixed up the poles for us. We are going fishing right?”

            His expression was so hopeful that Raph immediately tabled his misgivings about the possibility he’d been followed. Placing his weapons back into his belt, he accepted one of the poles as Slash offered it to him and said, “Yep, we’re going fishing. You got anything we can put our catches in?”

            Slash retrieved a bucket from underneath one of the bushes and then pointed at the pillow case Raph had left on the ground.

            “What’s that?” Slash asked.

            Spinning on his heels, Raph walked over and lifted the makeshift sack. “Some more supplies. It’ll keep. Let’s go catch us some fish.”

            The pair walked in companionable silence to the pond, Slash swinging his bucket in a jaunty manner. Raph knew that his company was making Slash happy and he in turn felt a great deal of satisfaction in that fact.

            They found a spot on the bank of the pond that gave Raph a good view of the main trail from the farmhouse. Slash didn’t ask about his choice but it was clear from the way the large turtle’s eyes followed that path that he knew what Raph was thinking.

            It didn’t take much digging to find some earthworms to use as bait and as soon as Raph had a nice wiggly one on his hook, he cast his line into the water. Settling into a comfortable position on the ground, he watched as Slash made his own smooth cast. As soon as the baited hook sank, Slash sat down next to Raph, close enough so that their legs were nearly touching.

            Raph could feel the heat coming off Slash’s body and suddenly all of his senses switched on. His skin tingled at Slash’s nearness, his breathing deepened as his took in his former pet’s scent. Never in his young life had he ever had such a provocative reaction to another living being.

            Nerves made him break the silence. “So I . . . .” Raph’s voice came out squeaky so he cleared his throat and tried again. “So I was wondering if maybe you could tell me what New York was like before you got out.”

            “Not good,” Slash said, looking grim. “The Kraang started building walls across the major highways to keep people from getting out and anyone else getting in. They’re changing the city and everyone in it. They have to be stopped.”

            That news pulled Raph back towards reality, easing his nerves as his frustration over their situation came back to him. “I want to go back,” he admitted. “Sensei is missing, April’s dad was mutated again, Casey doesn’t know what’s happened to his family, and it’s our home!”

            The last note ended with a touch of anger and Slash looked at him. “How badly was Leonardo injured?” he asked. When Raph clamped his mouth shut, Slash said, “You told me he depends on you now because of his injuries.”

            “He took a beating from Shredder and his minions,” Raph finally said. “He was in a coma when we first arrived and I was really worried he wouldn’t wake up. One of his legs was damaged and it’s taking a long time to heal.”

            Slash nodded as though Raph had just acknowledged something he’d already guessed. “You can’t go anywhere until he’s able to fight again.”

            “We don’t dare,” Raph said. “We’re a team and he’s our leader. Much as I hate to admit it, he’s the best at that job. I tried it once and almost got Mikey killed. I don’t know another way to fight other than to go straight at something and that don’t always work.”

            “The city, _our_ city, needs heroes,” Slash said musingly.

            “Looks like me and my bro’s are the only ones willing to step up to the plate,” Raph said. “I guess the city will have to hold on a little longer.”

            Slash seemed ready to say something else but a hard tug on his line distracted him. With a triumphant grunt, he yanked back to set the hook, rising to his feet to begin reeling in his catch.

            Raph watched as his friend pulled a five pound largemouth bass from the water. He’d never seen such a happily animated look on Slash’s face and the sight brought a grin of delight to Raph’s. As Slash grabbed his catch and began working the hook from its mouth, Raph stood up to reel his line in so he could re-cast it in a more promising direction.

            He’d just dropped the hook into the water again when Slash held his fish up for Raph to see. “Nice one,” Raph told him appreciatively.

            “Lunch,” Slash responded, his eyes sparking with excitement. Before Raph had a chance even to blink, Slash bit the head off of his fish and started chewing.

            Raph stared open mouthed as Slash’s jaw moved, the crunching of tiny bones very audible. It took him a moment to remember that Slash still retained most of his natural turtle instincts.

            As he chewed, Slash held the fish out towards Raph, obviously offering him a bite. Holding his palm up, Raph said, “It’s all yours big guy.”

            Slash saw the expression on Raph’s face and grinned. Swallowing his mouthful of raw fish, he said, “You grew up on algae and worms.”

            “That was then,” Raph said. “My tastes have evolved.”

            With a snort, Slash said, “So now you eat pizza and sashimi. You do know that sashimi is raw fish, right?”

            “Not that raw,” Raph said. “And here I was worried about you starving to death.”

            Slash bit off another chunk of fish, chewing and swallowing gustily before saying, “I’ve got survival skills, Raphael. I’m happy to have you worry about me, but I’d rather you stopped thinking of me as someone you have to take care of.”

            “I guess I’m gonna have to make an adjustment,” Raph said as Slash popped the remainder of the fish into his mouth. “Is it okay if I keep offering to help you when you need it?”

            “Sure,” Slash said, “if I can return the favor. I’d kind of like us to start being equals. Think you can let go of the idea of me as your pet?”

            He stepped in close to Raph as he spoke, coming well into the smaller turtle’s personal space.

            “What . . . what are you doing? What do you want?” Raph asked as Slash’s hands closed on the edges of his shell, keeping him from stepping back. Startled at the move, Raph dropped his fishing pole and just had the presence of mind to slide his foot on the end so it wouldn’t get dragged away.

            The position left him a little off balance so he clutched at Slash’s forearms to steady himself. Looking up, Raph found that Slash’s face was only inches from his own, his dark eyes shining with intent.

            “You already know the answer to that,” Slash told him in a guttural voice. “Your reaction last night told me that you do. I’m not a pet anymore Raphael, but I can be something else.”

            Slash inched forward, his body pressing against Raph’s. “I can be something _more_.”

            Raph’s head started to spin as Slash’s mouth lowered towards his.

TBC……………..


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 2,992 multi-chapter 2k12  
> Summary: So many things in Raph's life have changed, some for the better and some not. There is one change though that he dwells on more than others and the chance to begin again is hard to ignore.  
> Part 10 Rated R

            Various thoughts swam through Raph’s mind as Slash’s mouth drew ever closer. First was that they shouldn’t be doing this because it was probably wrong somehow, second was that he didn’t care because deep down he’d wanted it to happen.

            The third thing that swept through his thoughts was Slash couldn’t possibly kiss him given that the larger turtle had a row of sharp, jagged protrusions on his lower jaw rather than a proper mouth.

            That wasn’t stopping Slash who was very focused on his intended target. With his eyes locked on Raph’s, Slash slowly and deliberately opened his mouth. Tilting his head down, he gently pressed the spikes on his lower jaw into the skin beneath Raph’s chin. Though he was effectively held in place, Raph was unafraid.

            When he didn’t try to move away from Slash, the larger turtle emitted a sound that was a cross between a chirp and a click. Without consciously meaning to, Raph responded with a similar noise, albeit lower in volume. As soon as that instinctive verbal response rose from his throat, Raph’s whole body grew warmer.

            Slash’s grip on Raph’s shell tightened and the smaller turtle reacted by sliding his hands upwards until his fingers curled over Slash’s shoulders. It was then that Raph felt Slash’s breath blow across his mouth and his tongue slip across Raph’s lips.

            Opening his mouth slightly, Raph let the tip of his own tongue peek out from between his teeth. He felt Slash’s questing appendage touch his tongue and then Slash’s bottom jaw moved downwards, allowing Raph to open his mouth wider.

            As soon as the gap between his lips increased, Slash’s tongue entered Raph’s mouth. It was an odd kind of kiss; they didn’t fit together properly but somehow it worked. Raph’s entire focus turned inward to the feeling of their tongues moving against each other and how right it seemed, as if their entire lives together had been leading directly to this.

            A surge of adrenaline swept through Raph’s core, every atom aflame with animalistic desire. In his entire young life Raph had never been so turned on. His needy moan was answered by an equally eager grunt and Raph found himself wanting nothing more than to drop to the muddy ground with Slash and rut until every last ounce of energy was gone from his body.

            Even as his instincts begged him to follow through on that idea, a tiny voice of caution rang in his head. When it asked him if he thought they’d be seen, Raph remembered where they were and gently began pushing against Slash’s shoulders.

            A low groan issued from Slash’s chest but he adhered to the smaller turtle’s wishes by slowly releasing his hold on Raph’s chin. When his tongue left Raph’s mouth, the young ninja felt an immediate sense of loss.

            The kiss was broken but the two turtles continued to cling to each other. Raph looked into Slash’s eyes and could easily read the desire there.

            “Is this why you came for me?” Raph asked in a near whisper.

            Slash’s voice was a low rumble as he answered. “I told you why. You’re my family. I drank the mutagen because I wanted to be more to you, to be closer to you. I want you in every possible way, Raphael.”

            Raph wasn’t sure his voice would work but somehow he managed to squeak out, “Every way?”

            “Yes,” Slash hissed and started to lean in again.

            Just at that moment the fishing pole under Raph’s foot shifted and started to slide away. With a startled yelp, Raph twisted out of Slash’s grip and dove for the pole, but wasn’t fast enough to catch it before it was pulled into the pond. Raph’s leap sent him into the water, where he flailed about as he tried to catch the end of the pole.

            Water flew up in a geyser around Raph as he bounced in the pond, throwing his body after the receding pole and splashing every time his arms hit the water’s surface. A last desperate lunge put him within range of the pole and he managed to snag it, then nearly lost it again as it began to slip from his wet hand.

            Slash stood on the embankment watching as Raph quickly wrapped both hands around the pole and lifted it from the water. The fishing line was pulled taut as soon as Raph grabbed the reel and turned it, determined to land the fish who’d tried to make off with the pole.

            “Play it or he’ll break your line!” Slash called out excitedly.

            Slash’s enthusiasm was mirrored exactly by Raph, who let the line out and allowed the fish to run with it before pulling him back. Little by little he drew his catch closer, tiring it out in order to land it.

           The fight was exhilarating and Raph was elated when he finally won, pulling his catch from the water. It was another largemouth bass and easily weighed seven pounds.

            Wet and laughing, Raph made his way out of the pond, holding the fish proudly out in front of him. His joy was contagious and Slash laughed along with him, admiring the above average sized catch.

            “Let’s put this one in the bucket so you can munch on it for later,” Raph said teasingly, placing the fish into the bucket Slash had brought along. “I brought a container of salt in case you wanted to preserve some fish for a day or so.”

            “Or you could come back to the cabin with me and I could cook it for you now,” Slash offered hopefully.

            Raph felt his face heat up, thoughts of things he’d rather do than eat flashing through his mind. He might be young and inexperienced, but his daydreams were neither of those things.

            “I . . . I’d better not,” Raph stammered, though there was nothing he’d choose over that. “I came up with a story that would get me away from the family, but it’s only good for a couple hours at a time.”

            Slash frowned slightly and Raph could almost see that he was thinking about Leo’s hold on his brother, but this time the large turtle refrained from saying anything on the subject.

            “I suppose I must accept our situation for what it is at the moment,” Slash said philosophically.

            Raph suddenly felt shy and tentative, emotions that were almost completely foreign to him. “How about after everyone is asleep I sneak out if I can and come to the cabin then?”

            A gleam came into Slash’s eyes and Raph had to work to control his needful shudder. “Does that mean you accept me?” Slash asked.

            “Ac . . . cept you?” Raph countered, wishing he could stop stuttering.

            “As a mate,” Slash said bluntly, stepping up close to Raph.

            Raph’s shiver had nothing to do with being cold and wet. “Yes,” he answered, his voice small. Clearing his throat, he said more firmly, “Yes.”

            Slash’s jaw moved from side to side, his hands clenched tightly. “I want . . . I want to hold you again; to kiss you again. But you have to go and I don’t want to leave my scent on you. I mean, I _do_ but I don’t want Leonardo to start asking questions.”

            “I’ll find a way to tell him,” Raph promised. “A way that will make him understand and to trust you.”

            The look Slash gave him was enigmatic. “I doubt that anything you say will do the trick,” he said. “I destroyed his trust through my actions and that will be the only way I can regain it.”

            “What are you talking about?” Raph asked.

            Slash shook his head, his expression softening. “It’s nothing, just an idea I’ve toyed with.” He took the fishing pole from Raph’s hand and said, “I hope you can make it tonight. I’ll be waiting.”

            The way he said those words sounded like an erotic invitation and Raph swallowed heavily.

            “I’ll be there,” Raph told him. There were very few things that would keep him away now.

            Slash smiled knowingly and Raph reluctantly backed away from him. Exhaling hugely, Raph turned and began to jog back towards the farmhouse.

            Running helped to dry and warm his skin, but did nothing to lessen the tight knot that had formed in his belly. Raph was no stranger to anticipation, in fact he knew the feeling well. Usually he succumbed to it when going into a fight, but experiencing it now was something new.

Everything about his relationship with Slash was new and all sense of misgivings over the shadow of his lost Spike had disappeared. Spike was no longer lost, he’d finally fulfilled his destiny.

            The van was just pulling up to the farmhouse when Raph jogged into the yard and he was happy to have the distraction of helping to haul groceries inside. It was pretty clear that having Mikey along for the shopping trip had meant they’d bought more than had been on the original list, but that was good for Raph. He could pilfer things for Slash much more easily if the pantry was full.

            As Raph and Mikey simultaneously set bags down on the kitchen table, Mikey’s beak wrinkled with distaste and he said, “Phew! You smell like fish.”

            “You’re wet too,” Casey observed. “What’d you do, fall in the pond?”

            “Raph, your weapons are wet,” Leo said, frowning at his brother’s sais. “You need to clean them quickly.”

            “I was about to do that,” Raph said, glad for an excuse to leave the room. “Rock I was standing on rolled out from under me.”

            Leo looked as though he was going to say something more but Raph beat a hasty retreat before he could. Going up to the bathroom, Raph took a quick bath to scrub the smell of pond water off of himself. Afterwards he washed his gear and draped it over his window sill to dry.

            Raph was on his bed cleaning his weapons when someone knocked on the door. With a slight scowl at the interruption, he called out, “Come in.”

            It was no surprise to Raph when Leo walked into the room and closed the door behind him.

            “What’s up?” Raph asked, barely sparing his brother a glance before returning his eyes to his chore.

            “Did anything happen during your run?” Leo asked.

            “You mean other than my tumble into the pond?” Raph countered. “Nothing to speak of. Why do you ask?”

            “I thought you might have been distracted,” Leo answered. “Normally an unstable rock wouldn’t have caught you off guard.”

            Raph’s breath puffed from between his lips in frustration. “Please tell me you’re being this clingy with everyone. I fell off a damn rock, Leo. I jumped from the bank onto the rock so I could look at some fish and it rolled as I landed. Big deal.”

            “It’s more than just being cooped up, isn’t it?” Leo guessed, ignoring the aggravation in his brother’s voice.

            Raph caught the hint of self-recrimination in Leo’s tone and looked up. “Cut it out. I want to go home, you want to go home. We can’t right now for a number of reasons that don’t all have to do with your injury. I’ve accepted that and ain’t blaming anybody but Shredder and the Kraang.”

            “But still you’re frustrated,” Leo insisted.

            “I got a right to be,” Raph said with a shrug. “I got plenty of reasons to be. Just because I am doesn’t mean I’m gonna do something stupid or rash. You don’t have to watch me like a hawk.”

            “Do you feel like that’s what I’ve been doing?” Leo asked.

            “Haven’t you?” Raph set his sai aside. “My duty is to my family first bro’. I might disagree with you sometimes over the way we do things, but I’m never going to leave my family because of that. I told you that a couple nights ago, but if it makes you feel better to have me repeat myself, I will.”

            Leo’s head dropped, his gaze directed at the floor. Even with his face shielded that way, Raph could see the pain in his expression.

            Standing quickly, Raph said, “Sit down. Is your leg bothering you?”

            “No, no,” Leo said, shaking his head. “It’s not that.”

            Raph frowned, puzzled at Leo’s tone. His brother was looking at him again and though he denied that his leg hurt, the pained aspect was still there.

            “Then why . . . ?” Raph began.

            “The others seem so . . . _content_ ,” Leo blurted out. “It’s like they’re comfortable with being here and have no thoughts of leaving. Even April, for all she talks about her dad, seems accepting of the way things are. They aren’t just making do anymore. They’re settling in.”

            Raph thought that over and nodded slowly. “I can see that. Don and Mikey avoid training even though they have to know we’ll be facing the Kraang again. Don tinkers in the garage for all hours and Mikey rots what little is left of his brain watching television. But maybe that’s just denial of our situation, Leo. It doesn’t mean they’re happy to stay here, it just means they’re finding a way to deal with it that best suits them.”

            The thin layer of moisture in Leo’s eyes was easy for Raph to see and a dull pain thudded in his own chest in response.

            “You don’t think they’ve forgotten Father?” Leo asked in a small voice.

            “No,” Raph said as strongly as he could. “None of us have. Like you said before, he’s out there and he’ll find a way to tell us how to find him. I think he’ll wait until he knows we’re all ready to make the trip. That’s what I hang onto when I’m feeling impatient.”

            “And you don’t even meditate,” Leo said with something akin to awe in his tone.

            “I told you, I do my thinking when I’m moving,” Raph said, unable to hide a tiny satisfied smirk. Sobering quickly, he added, “I’m here, Leo. I’m here with you, for you. I’m here for this family. Ain’t nothing gonna change that.”

            Leo rubbed a hand across his forehead. “I’m tired,” he admitted. “I guess I’m seeing things that aren’t there; imagining the worst and trying too hard to get ahead of it. Over the last few days you’ve seemed distracted and like you’re keeping things, important things, to yourself. I need you, Raph. I don’t tell you that enough. I need your strength, your courage, and more than anything, your challenges. Without that I won’t look at myself or my decisions hard enough.”

            “If you think there’s ever a chance I won’t question stuff you do then you really _are_ tired,” Raph said half-jokingly. “Why don’t you go take a nap? Meditation might seem restful, but it ain’t a substitute for sleep. Stop worrying about us so much. We’ll do what has to be done when it’s time to do it, we always have.”

            Leo straightened, pulling his slumped shoulders back. “I think I will lie down. Thanks for the reassurances, bro’. Talking things out with you seems to be better for my peace of mind than meditation.”

            “Glad to hear you admit that meditation doesn’t solve everything,” Raph said, walking Leo to the door.

            “Don’t let Mikey hear you say that,” Leo said with a laugh, pausing in the open doorway. “He doesn’t need anything else to add to the growing list of why he should never have to meditate.”

            “He doesn’t turn his brain on and Don doesn’t turn his off,” Raph observed. “You’d think they’d be the perfect team.”

            “Could be they are,” Leo said. “When we get back to New York they’ll probably get the chance to prove it.”

            With that comment Leo parted company with his brother and went into his own room. As soon as Leo’s door closed behind him, Raph ducked back into his, sitting down on the bed to think about the conversation he’d just had with his brother.

            Raph was glad that Leo felt like he could confide in him. Opening up about his misgivings and fears was hard for Leo to do and Raph appreciated the faith his brother was showing him.

            As he thought about that and about how he needed to support Leo, Raph’s mind also drifted towards his own new found desires. Slash was his family too, albeit estranged from the rest of the clan. Raph wanted Slash to be with them again, to be able to live with and interact with his brothers. He wanted Slash with him, as a partner, as a mate.

            With Leo’s confidence so fragile and his reliance on Raph so palpable, bringing Slash home was going to be a monumental challenge. Slash was right about one thing, gaining Leo’s trust would be a major hurdle.

            Knowing those things didn’t dissuade Raph from making plans for the evening. Whatever the future might hold, he was sure that he was meant all along to be with Slash. Fate had decided many things for the young mutant and this he knew was one of them.

            Raph was going to sneak out of the house tonight no matter what. Slash’s intimations on what they could have together still rang in Raph’s head and his gut was still warmed by the kiss they’d shared.

            Eagerness for nightfall gave Raph renewed energy and he jumped up, grabbing his now dry gear off the sill and pulling it on. He was going to head downstairs and light a fire under his extended family just so they’d know he hadn’t checked out for the day. This was how he’d show Leo that their small clan was still important to him.

            His brother didn’t need to know just yet that it wasn’t the _only_ thing that was important to him.

TBC……………….


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 2,526 multi-chapter 2k12  
> Summary: So many things in Raph's life have changed, some for the better and some not. There is one change though that he dwells on more than others and the chance to begin again is hard to ignore.  
> Part 11 Rated PG-13  
> ~According to Parker Brothers, if played correctly a game of Monopoly should last about two hours. My siblings and I could play one game for an entire weekend, so I think it depends on how many players there are. The oldest of my brothers always won.  
> ~~I know a number of professional gamblers, many of them rich men who play in Vegas. The trick of palming the dice in order to roll a specific number is accurate; I've seen them do it. Though they've tried to teach me, I haven't mastered that trick, it takes quite a sleight of hand. Needless to say, none of them employ that trick at the gambling tables. Getting caught wouldn't be good for their health.

            When dinner time rolled around and they were all seated at the table, Raph noticed that there was no trace of the vulnerability that Leo had shown him earlier.

            It came to him then that Leo had allowed him that glimpse because he thought of Raph as more of an equal now. In their clan hierarchy, Raph had been elevated to a place that even their father hadn’t allowed him to occupy. Of course, Master Splinter had never seen Raph step beyond his own youthful pride before, something that Raph had learned to do during those agonizing months when Leo had been unconscious.

            The forced maturity had certainly helped Raph’s personal growth, he would just rather have found himself another way. Raph was pleased that Leo was confident enough in his abilities to rely on him, as long as it wasn’t supplying his older brother with excuses for not fully recovering. Or as a means to keep Raph close.

            Raph had no intention of leaving his family. No matter what he said in the heat of an argument, or how he’d sometimes storm off to be alone, ditching them permanently never entered his head. He hoped that Leo understood that; understood _him_. Raph thought he did, but being injured so badly had left Leo susceptible to doubt. It wasn’t just Leo’s leg that needed to heal.

            This devotion to his core family was something that Raph hoped Slash understood as well. Raph had tried to explain that to him in the strongest possible way and Slash had seemed to comprehend that even he couldn’t pull Raph away from them.

            Thus was the conundrum that faced Raph as he went through the motions of a peaceful family dinner. Don’s love triangle was simple in comparison. At least he wasn’t faced with having to make a choice between April and his family. All that Don had to do was fight for her against another eligible suitor. Fighting was something Raph was good at and that was the type of challenge he’d relish.

           Raph knew he wanted to be with Slash, to continue what they’d started at the pond. To continue and _finish_ what they’d started. Slash had asked him to be his mate and Raph knew what that entailed.

            He just didn’t know if saying yes was the most honest thing he could have done. Making that commitment had come from his heart and libido, but not from his head. Raph shouldn’t lead Slash on if they couldn’t find a way to stay together. Becoming physical with him would have serious ramifications.

            Going to Slash tonight wasn’t something that Raph could avoid doing now since he’d already promised. If he didn’t show, Slash would come looking for him out of both worry and possessiveness. Dodging confrontations wasn’t Raph’s style anyway, it was only that he instinctively knew making a rational decision would be easier during daylight.

            “. . . and the six of us playing will make for a more interesting game. You’re in, right Raph?” Don asked.

            “Huh?” Raph looked up, realizing the others were staring at him. “What game?”

            “Monopoly,” Don said. “Weren’t you listening?”

            Raph could see Leo’s frown without having to look directly at him. Clearing his throat, Raph said, “I was reviewing the training schedules for you guys. We’re playing Monopoly?”

            “I was cleaning an old cabinet in the mud room and found several board games stashed inside,” April said. “My dad and I used to have marathon Monopoly games. It’ll be fun.”

            “We don’t know how to play that game,” Mikey said.

            “I read the rules when April found the box,” Don said.

            “Of course you did,” Casey muttered, earning a snicker from Mikey.

            Don shot a glare in Casey’s direction and continued. “They aren’t all that complicated. April and I can teach you guys while we play.”

            Raph felt a niggling unease and asked April, “What exactly do you mean by ‘marathon’?”

            April was smiling, made happy by the memories of her childhood. “Monopoly is a game that can last for _days_ ,” she answered. “The game is dependent on luck almost as much as on strategy. We’ll probably be up all night.”

            “All night?” Raph tried not to sound as distressed as he felt but something must have come through in his tone because Leo suddenly leaned across the table to get his attention.

            “Is anything wrong?” Leo asked.

            “No, nothing,” Raph said hastily, thinking fast. “It’s only that we were supposed to have regular morning practice sessions and some of these guys don’t do so well even when they get a good night’s sleep.”

            “I resent that,” Don said sharply. “I’ll have you know . . . .”

            “Raph’s right,” Leo cut in, “we should make sure we’re well rested. How about we stop the game at midnight if we don’t have a winner by then? We can pick it back up again tomorrow night.”

            “That sounds fair,” April said, casting a sideways look at Don. It wasn’t hard for Raph to see that she wanted to hold onto the happy mood that had settled on them.

            As soon as April’s eyes touched him, Don forgot to be angry over Raph’s dig. Raph almost laughed out loud; Don would probably forget his own name if April looked at him long enough.

            Mikey was staring at Raph expectantly, waiting for his answer. The compromise might have made Leo happy but it did not please Raph at all. Raph was afraid that if he didn’t show up before midnight then Slash might make a very sudden appearance.

            Since he couldn’t think of a way out of it without raising everyone’s suspicions, Raph simply said, “I’m in.”

            For once Mikey helped to clear the dinner things without complaint, a bounce in his step showing his anticipation. April was beaming as she set the game board on the table and laid out the cards that went into the “Chance” and “Community Chest” rectangles on the board.

            Choosing Don to be the banker was a unanimous decision. Picking the tokens that would represent them in the game proved more difficult and Raph stopped a minor scuffle between Don and Casey by grabbing the automobile out from under their hands. Don then quickly snagged the wheelbarrow leaving Casey with the iron, which earned the genius a dirty look.

            As Don counted out the money that would be each player’s ‘bank’ he explained the game to them, with April cutting in now and then to simplify his instructions. It was then that Raph realized what she’d meant by the game being dependent on luck as much as anything and a plan began to form in his head.

            If there was one thing that Raph was better at than his brothers, it was manual dexterity. His were the only weapons that required not only swift but differing types of grip changes. While Mikey and Don might shift their holds on their weapons, they didn’t need to acquire the same complexity that perfecting the use of the sai demanded.

            Raph was looking at a game of chance that relied almost solely on the roll of a pair of dice.

            As soon as it was Raph’s turn to roll, he palmed the dice, careful to turn them so that they would land exactly the way he wanted them to. By clapping them together inside his hand, it sounded as though he was shaking them, ensuring that no one would get wise to his trick.

            His first toss gave him exactly the number he wanted and Raph was off. With every roll Raph made sure to land on a property that he could purchase and then did so. By the time he’d rounded the board once, he held a property in each of the color groups, making sure that no one else would achieve a monopoly.

            An hour into the game and both Mikey and Casey were out, bankrupted by Raph’s strategic placement of houses and hotels. A little while later, Leo was broke and April was down to her last fifty dollars.

            Donatello was holding on, but he’d made the mistake of loaning April money. When she finally coughed up her last fifty and the one piece of property she’d laid claim to, Don tried to give her another loan, which she promptly declined.

            It only took another half hour to wipe Don out completely. Muttering something about ‘luck’ under his breath, Don conceded the game to the one brother no one expected would win.

            “Those dice absolutely loved you, Raph,” April said as she gathered the game pieces together and began putting them away.

            Raph did not need for her to draw attention to those dice. “One of us had to have beginners luck, I guess it was my turn.”

            “Next time we play it’ll be my turn to have beginners luck,” Mikey announced.

            “But you won’t be a beginner anymore, Mikey,” Don told him in a dry tone.

            Mikey’s expression became thoughtful. “Oh yeah.”

            Before the conversation could continue, Raph lifted his arms and yawned widely. “I’m gonna hit the sack. If you guys want to stay up later go ahead, just remember I ain’t going easy on you in the morning.”

            As Raph said that he caught Don’s eye and glanced meaningfully at Leo’s leg and then back at Don. The hint had its desired effect; it kept Don from getting mad at him again because it shifted the genius’ focus to concern for their older brother.

            “I’m with you,” Don said. “It wouldn’t hurt for all of us to get some extra sleep.”

            “Hey, I thought we were gonna work on the jalopy tonight,” Casey protested.

            April had caught the glance between the two brothers and said, “You can work on it tomorrow. I want some competition in the morning instead of you trying to use me as a prop to hold you up.”

            “Oh you are so on Red,” Casey said with a grin. “I’m gonna make you eat those words.”

            “Really?” April asked saucily. “I’ll bet you can’t even beat me going upstairs.”

            She was off in a flash, running full out as soon as she issued the challenge. Not only did it get Casey moving, but Don began racing for the lead as well, determined not to be shown up by his rival. Their pushing and shoving gave April the win. All three were laughing good- naturedly as they entered their respective bedrooms.

            When Raph glanced over at Mikey he saw the youngest brother staring longingly at the television. He couldn’t just order Mikey to go to bed, so Raph had to think of another way to get him to turn in for the night.

            “I think you and Don need some incentive to work harder at practice,” Raph said.

            Mikey’s head jerked around, his eyes coming up to Raph’s. “I work plenty hard.”

            “He beats you too easily,” Raph said, crossing his arms over his plastron. “How about if you take him down tomorrow I get Casey to let you drive the jalopy?”

            Mikey’s eyes opened almost impossibly wide. “I can drive? Nobody ever lets me drive.”

            “I will. But only if you beat Donnie,” Raph said. “Or you could stay up all night watching TV. It’s up to you.”

            “No way,” Mikey said, skipping towards the stairs. “Tomorrow I’m gonna drive. If I put a TV in the jalopy I can watch it _while_ I drive.”

            Raph didn’t bother to respond to the ludicrous idea, merely watching as the younger turtle entered his room.

            Turning once Mikey was out of sight, Raph found that Leo was staring speculatively at him.

            “I saw what you and Don did,” Leo said.

            “Figured you might,” Raph said smugly, lowering his arms. “It got everyone into bed, didn’t it?”

            “Because you want them well rested for practice,” Leo said. “You’re taking this new schedule very seriously aren’t you? Or did you have another reason for packing everyone off so early?”

            Raph had a couple of choices on how he’d answer. The old Raph would get defensive, wanting to know what Leo meant by his question. The maturing Raph, the one with a secret and a real concern for his family, took a second to swallow his initial reaction and formulate a response.

            “If you’re asking do I have an ulterior motive, then yeah I do,” Raph said. “A couple of them. I do want them to get more rest ‘cause I’m tired of them falling over their own feet when we practice. I also want them to spend more time _thinking_ about bettering their skills and less time focusing on the other projects they get into around here. ‘Specially Donnie. He gets bent out of shape over me saying he needs more practice, but half his mind is on his inventions and the other half’s on April. That don’t leave much for ninjitsu.

            “Then there’s you,” Raph continued. “It ain’t just the leg that needs fixing. You gotta get your mind right too, Leo. Maybe if you see all of us working hard to get better, it’ll help you get better. And maybe if you see me keeping the others on the straight and narrow you’ll stop worrying that I’m gonna do something stupid.”

            A tiny smile lifted the corners of Leo’s mouth. “Stupid is not a word I’d ever tag you with, Raph. Rash maybe, but not stupid. Will you work with me a little in the morning? I don’t want my skill set to get rusty either.”

            “Yeah I will,” Raph said, a grin lighting his features. “Come on and get some sleep. We don’t want to look sloppy at practice, especially after the speech I gave those guys.”

            They walked to the stairs and then Leo waited as Raph turned out the lights. Together they ascended to the second floor, saying their final good-nights before entering their bedrooms.

            Once in his room with the door shut, Raph cut the lights off and set his sai on the night stand, but didn’t take off any of the rest of his gear. Jumping onto the bed, he stared up at the ceiling, his body stiff with anticipation.

            He’d allow an hour for the others to fall asleep before attempting to sneak out. That would put him right under the self-imposed midnight deadline for going to meet Slash.

            Raph knew that Slash would be just as anxious to see him, but the larger turtle was also familiar with the family’s routine. He’d know they normally turned in late and would make allowances for Raph not appearing at an earlier hour. At least up to a certain point.

            With his heart thudding in his chest, Raph tried deep breathing to calm his nerves. His imagination was working overtime and every scenario that played through his mind was more erotic than the last.

            How he expected to keep a level head while talking this relationship thing through with Slash was beyond him. Slash would probably smell Raph’s excitement from a mile away.

            Raph wondered how much actual talking would happen after that.

TBC……


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 4,268 multi-chapter 2k12  
> Summary: So many things in Raph's life have changed, some for the better and some not. There is one change though that he dwells on more than others and the chance to begin again is hard to ignore.  
> Part 12 Rated NC-17

            The hour he spent waiting for his friends and family to fall asleep was the longest in Raph’s life.

            Watching the clock count off each second was completely unproductive, but he couldn’t think of anything else to do to pass the time. The book he’d been reading didn’t interest him and any other activity he could engage in might alert someone to the fact that he wasn’t going to sleep.

            When after what seemed like an eternity the hour had passed, Raph rose noiselessly from his bed and retrieved his weapons. He thought about simply going out of his window but nixed that idea because he wasn’t sure if everyone in the house was asleep.

            The best way he could think of to find out was to go downstairs and see if his movements attracted anyone. As quietly as he could, Raph exited his room, careful to close the door behind him, and then descended to the bottom floor.

            Raph glanced into the living room first to be sure that no one had come down to watch television. Though he half expected to see Mikey there, the TV was thankfully off and the room devoid of life.

            He next went into the kitchen with two purposes in mind. The first was to grab some food for Slash and the second was to see if Leo had heard him moving around again. Raph figured that if his big brother appeared, he could always say he’d gotten the munchies.

            There were plenty of leftovers to choose from and Raph started filling some plastic baggies with them. He didn’t completely empty any of the containers in the refrigerator because that would have been too obvious; he just took a good sized sample of several things.

            No one interrupted his rummaging around and Raph breathed a sigh of relief, fairly certain all of the occupants of the household were in dreamland. Finding a large plastic tote bag in the pantry, Raph dumped some ice into it and then placed the packed leftovers inside. He didn’t think they’d have to be on ice for long; Slash was a big turtle.

           Ice cream kitty meowed at him as Raph checked to see if there was anything else he could take from the freezer so he quickly closed the door. What he’d collected would have to be enough, Raph had already spent too much time messing around inside the house.

            Using the shadows, Raph moved around to a side of the house that couldn’t be seen from any of the bedroom windows and then darted into the woods.

            Raph was all nerves during his journey to the cabin. Jittery and tense, every noise made him think he was being followed, and it took almost twice as long for him to reach his destination because he kept stopping to check his back trail. It made him more determined than ever to find a way to bring Slash and his brothers together. There was no way he could continue on with this cloak and dagger routine.

            Approaching the cabin cautiously, Raph noticed a faint glow showing through the walls and lighting up the area immediately around the building. He then noticed a metal pipe that hadn’t been there before protruding from one corner of the roof, a wisp of smoke curling up from it.

            Hesitating as he took in the changes, Raph heard a faint creek from the door and then the sound of his friend’s voice. “Come in, Raphael.”

            Leaving behind the dark chill of the silent woods, Raph entered a surprisingly warm cabin. His first thought was to look towards the corner where he’d seen the pipe coming through the roof. Raph stared in fascination at the small brick and stone structure that had been newly erected there.

            “You built a fireplace,” Raph said in amazement.

            “I had the time,” Slash told him, smiling complacently. “It’s not big but it gives off enough heat to keep this room warm and provides me with a place to cook.”

            “I was thinking we might have to build something outside,” Raph said as he presented the bag of leftovers to Slash, “but this is better. How’d you know how to do this?”

            Slash dumped the leftovers into the cooking pot that Raph had given him a couple of days earlier, mixing everything together with no concern for how it might taste. He then placed the pot over the fire to warm the contents.

            “I looked into a few windows on my way here,” Slash said. “I was checking for you. Most of the large cabins had fireplaces like this, so I just copied what I saw.”

            “Resourceful,” Raph muttered, slightly uneasy and not sure what to do with himself.

            “Please sit down and be comfortable,” Slash said, waving a hand towards his bed.

            Raph hesitated, but since Slash appeared busy at the fire, he crossed the room and sank down on the blankets.

           “Most turtles are, you know,” Slash said without looking up. “Resourceful I mean. We adapt to conditions in order to survive. When it gets cold, we burrow under the mud, conserving our oxygen until the weather warms. I suppose the mutagen enhanced that ability. It gave Donatello superior intellect and expanded my natural ingenuity.”

            Slash used the wooden mixing spoon Raph had brought him to stir the contents of the pot. Grimacing slightly, Raph said, “You know that’s gonna taste disgusting, right?”

            With a grin, Slash scooped up a helping of the mixture and transferred it to his mouth. Swallowing it down with an audible gulp, he said, “Seems fine to me.”

            “And here I was worried when Mikey kept trying to feed you pizza,” Raph said dryly.

            On one knee by the fireplace, Slash ate another spoonful of food, patted his stomach, and said, “That’s another thing the mutagen did for me; it gave me a cast iron belly.”

            “While robbing you of your taste buds,” Raph said, smiling.

            “As big as I am, that’s probably not a bad thing,” Slash said. “It means I don’t have to be picky about what I eat.”

            “Yeah? Well any meals we share it’s gonna be me doing the cooking,” Raph told him.

            “Deal,” Slash said and they both laughed.

            After one more heaping serving followed the first two, Slash moved the pot off to the side, a little ways from the fire. Raph grew quiet as he watched the larger mutant, unsure as to what was expected of him now.

            Slash turned in Raph’s direction but didn’t make a move towards him, instead contemplating the red banded turtle for a few minutes. Raph worked to keep his nerves under control, his eyes flitting around the room as he self-consciously avoided locking gazes with his friend.

            “Raphael,” Slash said, staring at the smaller turtle intensely, “why are you here?”

            The question caught Raph off guard. “What do you mean? I’m here because you’re family and you need me.”

            “It’s more than that and we both know it,” Slash insisted. “At the pond I was clear about my desires and you said yes. That could just be you saying what you thought would make me happy. I can’t go forward until I hear you say what it is you want for the two of us.”

            Raph went completely still as he battled with that question. It was time for the truth; Slash needed it and Raph was tired of second guessing himself.

            “I want to start over,” Raph said in a low voice, “with you.”

            Still Slash remained where he was. “Start over as in we put aside the fact I was once your pet turtle and you come to think of me as a mate? Do you understand what that means? You’d have to care about me at least as much as you care about your brothers.”

            “It also means you’d have to care about my feelings enough not to ask me to make a choice between them or you,” Raph responded quickly. “You’d have to believe me when I say you’re just as important to me and not be jealous when I’m with them.”

            Slash touched his chest and said, “You’re in here, Raphael. Always have been. Always will be; no matter what decision you make tonight. I want to be a part of something with you. That’s my nature. I’m not really a loner kind of turtle. Whatever I have to do to prove I’m not a menace to your brothers, I’ll do it.”

            “I guess you’ve already been doing that for a few days now,” Raph admitted. “Nothing was stopping you from barging into the farmhouse and letting them all know you’re here. Leo ain’t a hundred percent and . . . .”

            “And I’ve changed,” Slash said, interrupting before Raph could continue. “I don’t want you by force, I want you because you made the choice of your own free will. If you tell me this won’t work, I’ll check out of here in the morning and you won’t see me again.”

            The idea of Slash disappearing again made Raph’s heart skip a beat and he knew he couldn’t let that happen. “I said yes when you asked me to be your mate because I meant yes,” Raph said as firmly as he could. “We’ve got things to work out but who doesn’t? Just . . . you know, cut me some slack here. It’s not as though I’ve ever done this before.”

            “Neither have I,” Slash said, rising slowly. Moving with great care, as though he was afraid Raph might bolt, Slash approached the bed and sat down next to Raph. “Let’s let our instincts guide us. We managed to kiss, I think we can figure out how to proceed.”

            “O . . . okay,” Raph stammered, twisting to face Slash and then freezing, unsure of what to do next.

            Slash didn’t move at all, though his tongue came out and touched the jagged edge of his mouth. “Smell me,” he finally said.

            Raph blinked. “What?”

            “Scent is important to turtles. Connect to your basic nature, Raphael. Take my scent,” Slash answered.

            Since Raph wasn’t sure if there was a right way to do that, he decided to go with how he used to find out if dinner was ready. Tilting his head back, he sniffed the air, his nostrils flaring. Right away he was hit by Slash’s unique musk and found his body reacting favorably to the scent.

            Something in his expression must have telegraphed that response because Slash made a noise in the back of his throat. When Raph looked at him quizzically, Slash bent down, drawing closer to the young turtle.

            “Again,” Slash directed. “The way I did it when we were in the barn.”

            Nodding, Raph passed his teeth across his lower lip and leaned towards Slash. In response, Slash put his arms around Raph and tilted his head to one side.

            Very tentatively, Raph nuzzled into Slash’s neck, feeling Slash's nails as they loosely raked across his carapace in approval. Emboldened, Raph burrowed deeper and then inhaled.

            Suddenly light headed, Raph found himself overwhelmed by Slash’s pheromones to the point where his entire body began to shake. Every nerve ending felt as though it was tingling and Raph’s shell across a certain part of his anatomy seemed to become much too tight.

            “Let’s get rid of our gear,” Slash murmured, his deep voice against Raph’s head adding another set of fireworks to those already growing in Raph’s groin.

            He released Raph and it was all the smaller turtle could do to let go as well. When Raph began to untie his mask, Slash reached over and brushed his hands aside.

            “I’ll remove yours and you take mine off of me,” Slash proposed.

            Swallowing thickly, Raph didn’t attempt to respond, instead allowing Slash to take the mask from his face. When Slash lowered his head, Raph fumbled as he undid the knot on the black mask, his trembling hands making him clumsy.

            Slash didn’t call him on it, whether because he understood or because he too was feeling a certain level of nervousness.

            The elbow and wrist guards came off next, each turtle taking their time with the others protective equipment. Slash’s nails were now retracted and his fingertips caressed Raph’s skin as he tugged the pads from the young turtle’s arms. From the look of reverence in Slash’s eyes, it was clear that this ritual held special meaning to him.

            When Slash’s hands slipped into the belt around Raph’s waist, the smaller mutant gasped. He was already struggling to keep his arousal hidden and Slash’s fingers working in an area so close to Raph’s groin was stimulating him to a nearly painful degree.

            A noise slipped out of Raph’s mouth; part groan and part chirp, much like the sound Slash had made when they were at the pond together. Slash stopped what he was doing and looked into Raph’s eyes, his own both tender and needful.

            “Do m . . . mine too,” Slash stuttered before removing Raph’s belt and pushing it and his weapons aside.

            It was the stutter that provided the impetus to get Raph’s hands moving. He realized then that Slash was just as excited as he was and more nervous than he was letting on.

            Raph got Slash’s belt off of him and then took the initiative to kneel in front of the large turtle and slowly strip off his leg wrappings. By the time Raph was finished, Slash was breathing heavily and his hands were clenching and unclenching rhythmically.

            “Please . . . .” Slash began before stopping to take a deep breath. “Sit next to me so I can remove your knee pads.”

            Doing as he was asked, Raph lifted first one leg and then the other as Slash finished stripping him. Each time Slash’s hands touched his skin, the feeling traveled straight up between Raph’s legs and made his hidden manhood twitch.

            “I don’t know if this is such a good idea,” Raph suddenly blurted, wanting to rush from the cabin before his penis could make an appearance.

            “Shhh,” Slash intoned softly, his hand against Raph’s face surprisingly gentle. “We are both reacting exactly as we should be. Let it happen, Raphael.”

            “What . . . what should I do next?” Raph asked.

            “I want you to touch me,” Slash said, stroking Raph’s cheek before removing his hand.

            “Wh . . . where?” Raph could feel the heat rising along his neck and face but didn’t know if it was because he was so turned on or from embarrassment.

            Slash held Raph’s gaze, not allowing the young turtle to look away. “Everywhere. There was no part of me that you didn’t know back when I was Spike. You were as comfortable with me as I was with you. That’s what we need to find again; our total trust in each other. I’m going to lie down and I want you to explore my body with your hands. Learn everything about me, Raphael.”

            The words were part command, part instruction, part beseeching and as Slash laid down on the bedding, Raph placed a hand on his arm. Touching Slash at that point was instinctual; the sound of his voice almost begged for support and it was Raph’s nature to provide him with that.

            Slash’s skin was neither warm nor cold, somewhere between those ranges and not much different from when he was Spike. The texture was leathery and surprisingly soft, with just a hint of pebbling on the scales.

            As Raph ran a hand down Slash’s arm, he thought that if he closed his eyes, he could easily imagine it was Spike that he was touching. Other than the sheer size of him, Slash did not feel all that different.

            The feeling of familiarity eased some of Raph’s tension and he proceeded more boldly, twisting around so that he could use both hands on Slash’s body. Careful to avoid the spikes that protruded from various spots, Raph smoothed his hands across Slash’s plastron, up along his collar bones, and onto his neck.

            Slash’s pheromones were spiraling upwards and Raph could smell them. The effect on him was telling; Raph couldn’t have lifted his hands away even if his brothers had burst into the cabin. He pet Slash’s face, letting his fingers explore the jagged jaw line and on to his strong brow. When his hands played over Slash’s head, Raph took the time to touch each of the spikes that grew there, memorizing their placement with his fingertips.

            Finally Raph rose up on his knees so that he could lean over Slash. It dawned on him then that the conical formation of the scutes on Slash’s carapace kept him elevated by at least a foot off the bedding.

            “Are you comfortable like that?” Raph asked, sliding a hand along the exposed part of Slash’s carapace.

            “Yeah, sure. Why not? I sleep pretty good this way ‘cause most of me is in the shell anyway. Sometimes I sleep on all fours just to change it up,” Slash replied, though his voice was lower and more guttural than normal.

            “Oh,” Raph said, an image of Slash on his hands and knees coming into his mind. The picture was so erotic that it curled Raph’s toes and he had to take a deep breath and shake his head to clear it.

            Once more Raph’s hands began to move and he trailed them downwards. As bold as he was feeling, he avoided Slash’s lower plastron and skipped to his legs, exploring each individually.

            After he’d gently smoothed across Slash’s feet, Raph looked up and in a breathy tone asked, “Could you flip over?”

            Slash said nothing as he levered himself up and turned over onto his plastron. Looking down at the big turtle’s muscular legs, Raph’s licked his lower lip and took another steadying breath before continuing his exploration.

            Raph could hear Slash now, his breathing ragged and irregular. When Raph’s hands slid up along Slash’s inner thighs, the giant mutant gasped and then churred, loudly.

            The sound froze Raph. He knew exactly what it meant and his hands began to tremble, the rush from affecting Slash to that extent making him press his knees together.

            “Raphael,” Slash said, his tone husky with need, “let me explore your body now.”

            His throat constricting with excitement, Raph could barely squeak out, “Okay.” It took him a minute to gain enough muscle control to lie down next to Slash and as the big turtle loomed over him, Raph went stiff.

            “Relax, Raphael,” Slash intoned hypnotically.

            For a few moments neither of them moved. Raph’s eyes were shut, his body rigid as he anticipated Slash’s touch. When nothing happened, he opened one eye and saw that Slash was kneeling down next to him, his weight on his calves and his hands resting against his thighs.

            Slash’s calm posture helped to set Raph at ease and his muscles began to loosen up. As soon as Raph was at some semblance of repose, Slash brushed a hand across his face.

           The touch was whisper soft and Raph sighed, feeling suddenly that he’d regained the deep connection he’s once had with Spike. When Slash’s hands began to stroke his plastron, Raph realized that this thing between them was more; it was something almost spiritual.

            While Slash continued to map Raph’s body with his hands, Raph reached up so that he could stroke the large turtle’s skin. It wasn’t long before they were both panting and Raph had begun to vocalize his arousal with churrs that matched Slash’s.

            Raph didn’t have to glance down Slash’s body to know that he was sporting a hard on beneath his shell. If it was anything like the one Raph continued to try and hide, it was probably hurting him.

            Slash obviously noticed the pained expression on Raph’s face because he leaned in close and passed his tongue across Raph’s neck, licking slowly up towards the younger turtle’s ear. When he reached it, Slash whispered, “Drop down.”

            When Raph hesitated, Slash tipped back again and said, “We need to learn everything about each other. If it will help, I’ll go first.”

            As soon as he finished speaking, Slash relaxed his pelvic muscles and his erection sprang free from its confines. It was half hard and enormous.

            “Damn,” Raph murmured, his voice cracking.

            “Now you,” Slash instructed.

            Raph swallowed heavily and finally allowed his cock to escape its crushing prison. The relief was incredible and his shaft filled quickly.

            “I know that you know how to masturbate, Raphael,” Slash said in a gravelly tone. “I remember that you used to pleasure yourself.”

            Flushing, Raph asked, “You remember that? You watched me?”

            “Yes~s,” Slash acknowledged with a hiss. “Your awakening sexuality imprinted on me and you became the object of my deepest desires forever. Don’t feel shy now. I want to make you happy and the ideal way to do that is to learn what it is you like best. Go ahead and masturbate for me, teach me.”

            His tone was so avid that Raph couldn’t refuse, nor did he want to. His erection was throbbing with need and closing his eyes, Raph wrapped a hand around his shaft.

            The reaction to his own touch was immediate as Raph’s cock jumped in his hand. Knowing that Slash was watching added a touch of eroticism and Raph began to jerk off.

            In a second he felt Slash’s hands on his plastron and the large turtle began to pet him as Raph masturbated. Raph didn’t bother trying to hide his excitement, churring freely as pre-cum dribbled over his fist.

            Then he felt Slash’s hand cover his and Raph’s eyes snapped open as his rhythm faltered.

            “Let me take over now,” Slash said.

            With a moan, Raph relinquished his erection to the giant mutant, whose large hand wrapped perfectly around Raph’s thick shaft.

            Setting a rhythm that matched Raph’s own, Slash began pumping Raph’s cock, sliding a large thumb across the head periodically. The foreign hand on his most intimate flesh had Raph’s entire body quivering and a fire began to swiftly build in his gut.

            When Slash’s movements changed a bit Raph glanced over and saw that the big guy had started to jack himself, his large cock emitting a steady stream of pre-ejaculate. Raph couldn’t take his eyes off of Slash’s erection, the sight of the meaty swollen flesh bouncing in Slash’s hand enormously arousing.

            The prelude to his orgasm took Raph by surprise. His cock twisted, the fire in his loins expanded, and Raph suddenly tipped over the edge, climaxing harder than he ever had in his young life.

            Embarrassed at how quickly he’d cum, Raph started to stammer, “S . . . sorry, s . . . sorry . . . .”

            “No,” Slash said, squeezing Raph’s cock and wresting another small orgasmic tremor from the smaller turtle. “You . . . you are young and . . . and virile. You are . . . inexperienced. This . . . this is . . . how it . . . should be.”

            Slash was panting between words and Raph saw that his hand hadn’t slowed on his own erection. Rolling onto his side dislodged Slash’s grip on him and Raph curved a hand over the big turtle’s.

            “Keep going,” Raph urged as Slash slowed down. “I wanna know what you like best too.”

            Together they serviced Slash and Raph quickly picked up on Slash’s preferred tempo. After a couple of minutes Slash removed his hand, his labored breathing and tightly closed eyes telling Raph that the large turtle was close.

            “Lay down,” Raph said, shifting upwards as Slash slowly sank onto the bedding.

            Raph’s hand never faltered. Though Slash’s erection was quite large, Raph’s grip from years of holding a sai was incredibly strong.

            “Raphael,” Slash said his name in a breathy exhale. “Raph~ael. Oh yes, that’s good. That’s so . . . good . . . .”

            In wide eyed amazement Raph watched as Slash’s cock expanded and then exploded. Cum shot out in copious amounts, drenching Raph’s arm and landing in pools across Slash’s plastron.

            It took a few minutes for his orgasm to subside and then Slash grabbed a blanket from the end of the bed. He used it to wipe down Raph’s arm and hand, passing it along Raph’s plastron to remove the younger turtle’s cum. Once Raph was relatively clean, Slash used the blanket to soak up the ejaculate that had puddled on his own body.

            The endorphins released by his climax began to wear off and Raph suddenly found that his body felt too heavy for him to remain upright. Slash saw Raph’s eyelids start to droop and placed a hand on his shoulder, urging Raph to lie down.

            It didn’t require much encouragement for Raph to sink onto the bed next to his lover. When Slash leaned over and slid his tongue across Raph’s mouth, the young ninja opened up for him and they kissed.

            With a satisfied sigh, Slash lay back down and pulled Raph closer. Cuddling up against Slash, Raph rested his head against one large bicep.

            “From now on we will share everything,” Slash whispered.

            Raph wanted to ask what he meant by that, but he couldn’t find the energy. As his eyes drifted shut, Raph told himself not to fall asleep, that he couldn’t stay much longer.

            It was his last thought as Raph dropped off into a deep sleep.

TBC……………..


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 3,068 multi-chapter 2k12  
> Summary: So many things in Raph's life have changed, some for the better and some not. There is one change though that he dwells on more than others and the chance to begin again is hard to ignore.  
> Part 13 Rated PG-13

            A ray of sunshine touched Raphael’s eyelids and disturbed his sleep.

            At first he didn’t know what was messing with his pleasantly comfortable slumber. Without coming to full consciousness, Raph waved a hand in front of his face in an effort to chase away the annoyance.

            When that didn’t work, he started to roll over but found his movement stalled by some large object pressed against his carapace. Trying to turn in the other direction brought a sleepy groan of displeasure to Raph’s ears.

            Raph’s eyes popped open and the activities of the previous evening came rushing back to him. Along with that was the realization that he’d fallen asleep in the cabin and that the sun was coming up.

            “Oh crud, I gotta go!” Raph exclaimed, bolting up from the makeshift bed he shared with Slash. “It’s morning!”

            Slash slowly sat up, his eyes riveted to the young turtle who ran back and forth in front of him as he gathered his gear.

            “Each time you leave I fear I won’t see you again,” Slash said quietly.

            The words stopped Raph’s mad rush and he swiftly leaned down to hug his lover. “I’ll be back,” Raph told him. “You know how things are right now, but they won’t always be this way and then we can stay together.”

            As he pulled out of Slash’s hold and straightened, the larger turtle said, “I will try to be patient while you search for a solution. It is hard though.”

            “I know,” Raph said, his expression warm with longing. “For me too. I . . . I gotta do what’s best for all of us.”

            “And how will you persuade your brothers that I am what is best for you?” Slash asked.

            “I just need to find the right time,” Raph said. “Everybody’s feeling too vulnerable but it ain’t gonna last. When we get right again and can go find Master Splinter, then I can convince them you should be part of the team.”

            “Perhaps you are correct,” Slash said as a thoughtful look crossed his face.

            “Yeah, don’t worry. I know my bro’s,” Raph assured him. “I have to book. I’ll try to come back tonight.”

            “I will be awaiting your company,” Slash said, watching as the young turtle sped out of the cabin.

            Raph ran with breakneck speed towards the farmhouse, mentally calculating the hour. Though he couldn’t spare the time, he still made a quick stop at the pond, tossing his gear on the ground and jumping into the cold water to remove the residue and scent from the previous evening’s activities.

            It felt like it took an eternity to put his leg wraps back on and once that was done, he finished gearing up on the run. The sun was just breaking the horizon so it was very early morning still and Raph had hopes that he’d get back before anyone was up.

            He was right on the edge of the woods near the farmhouse when Raph came to a sliding stop. From where he was Raph had a good view of the front porch and could see Leonardo standing there, looking around as though searching for someone. Most likely Raphael.

            Under his breath Raph muttered a few choice words, the kind that would surprise everyone because they wouldn’t have thought he knew them. There was no way to get to either the farmhouse or the barn without Leo spotting him, not when his eagle eyed brother was on high alert.

            It was time to come up with a story that would not only cover his tail now but also account for any of his past behaviors that Leo had grown suspicious over. Excuses and belligerent silence wouldn’t cut it; those things might make Leo decide to go into the woods in search of his own answers.

            One thing that he knew would work was garnering the sympathy vote. In order for that to sound authentic Raph would have to admit to a weakness, something he was loathe to do. He felt like that would work though, because Leo was already worried that Raph was growing impatient with the status quo. All Raph had to do was feed into the belief Leo already held and quell any residual curiosity that might send the eldest into the woods.

            There wasn’t time to think of anything fancy so Raph grabbed at the one thing he’d already alluded to in a conversation with Leo. Squaring his shoulders and taking a deep breath, Raph walked out of the woods and approached the farmhouse.

            His appearance immediately drew Leo’s notice and the older turtle came down off the porch so fast it was hard to see a trace of his limp. It was visible as Leo crossed the open yard to meet him though and not for the first time Raph wondered how much of Leo’s injury was in his mind.

            “You told me you wouldn’t go anywhere without letting someone know you’d left,” Leo said accusingly.

            Raph bit his tongue to hold back the type of answer he’d usually meet that tone with. There was no benefit in responding angrily and a lot to lose.

            “I left early, before anyone was up,” Raph said. “I didn’t want to wake the household ‘cause I figured I’d be back before anyone crawled out of bed. I was only going for a run and a swim.”

            “Something could have happened to you and we wouldn’t have known until it was too late,” Leo responded hotly.

            Once more Raph held back from his natural inclination, mentally biting his tongue and counting to ten. When he saw the furrow begin to form between Leo’s eyes, Raph knew he was throwing his brother off his stride.

When he finally chose to answer, Raph did so in an uncharacteristically soft timbre. “Leo, arguing like this ain’t doing either one of us any good. I’m tired of keeping secrets.”

            “We wouldn’t be arguing like this if . . . wait, what?” Leo asked as not only Raph’s words but his tone cut through the elder turtle’s anger. “What secrets?”

            Raph huffed breathily, his eyes turned down towards the ground. He lifted a hand to rub at his arm, his entire manner one of acute embarrassment.

            “You know how I said I needed some alone time ‘cause being cooped up was making me twitchy?” Raph asked, glancing up to look for some acknowledgment. When Leo nodded, Raph continued. “When we were talking about sensei you let me see how worried you are that we can’t pull this family back together again. You said you needed my help but I already knew that. I knew it the day you got hurt and I knew it every day that I waited for you to wake up again.”

            “Raph, I . . . .” Leo began.

            Lifting a palm, Raph indicated that he wasn’t finished speaking. “No. Just hear me out. I ain’t cut out for leading and we both know that. I’m doing the best I can, but worrying about the city we call home, and about Father, and all of you, it’s been getting to me. I’ve been doing stuff I normally wouldn’t do; handling the stress in unhealthy ways. I didn’t want you to know. You don’t need my problems on top of everything else.”

            “What kind of ways?” Leo asked carefully.

            “Leo, you gotta promise that this stays between us,” Raph said, staring hard into Leo’s eyes.

            “Of course I promise,” Leo said, and then quickly added, “Unless it’s something the others have to know.”

            “Well it ain’t,” Raph said with a touch of belligerence. “It’s . . . private.”

            “Then you have my word,” Leo promised.

            In a rush, Raph spit out, “I’m the one who’s been taking food. I go out in the woods where no one can see me and binge eat.”

            His brother stared at him for a moment, totally speechless. When Leo finally did react, it was to sputter incredulously, “You have an . . . an eating disorder?” That was clearly not what he had been expecting to hear.

            “No . . . yes . . . I don’t know, maybe,” Raph said. He didn’t want his white lie to be an anchor around his neck for all eternity, he simply needed something that would effectively cover his tracks with regards to what was really going on.

            It seemed to be working. Leo’s pique at finding Raph absent from the farmhouse had faded, replaced now by confusion. “Well which is it?” Leo asked.

            “I ain’t got anything to hit,” Raph said. “Watching TV is boring, practice is only satisfying up to a point. We don’t know any more about what’s going on in the city than we did when we left. Everything is up in the air and it’s . . . frustrating.”

            “You could have talked to me about this,” Leo suggested.

            “I did, only it was back when you were unconscious,” Raph said with the hint of a wry smile. That much was true. “I haven’t wanted to say much lately ‘cause you have your own stuff to deal with. It started out simple enough; I’d grab some leftovers and go out in the woods to sit and think. Having the food kept my hands busy. Only problem is that when I eat my brain shuts off. Instead of thinking I just go numb. I started to like that feeling so I kept doing it.”

            “How long . . . ?” Leo asked.

            He didn’t have to finish the question because Raph knew what he was asking. “Not long. Only a few days actually. I go at night or early in the morning. Afterwards I swim to get rid of the smell of food and to burn off what I ate.”

            Raph eyed Leo, trying to gauge if his brother was buying the story. Leo seemed to be thinking about it, so Raph decided to make it more believable by adding, “All of us have crutches bro’. Don works on his inventions long into the night, Mikey stays glued to the TV, and you’ve been known to spend the whole day practicing. I ain’t excusing mine, I’m just telling you what’s going on.”

            “I thought the extra time to yourself was to help with the frustration,” Leo said.

            “It does help with that,” Raph assured him. “Running gives my body something to do, but my mind starts going over everything that’s happened to us. I want to fix all of it but I can’t, so I start stressing.”

            “My injury adds to that stress, doesn’t it?” Leo asked, starting to sound remorseful.

            The last thing Raph needed was to send Leo off into a guilt trip. “This ain’t about your leg, get that through your head right now. It’s about me and the way I’m dealing with stuff while we’re stuck out here in the boonies. Turning my brain off for a while helps, but the way I’m doing it ain’t the best.

            “I could have come up with some story and you wouldn’t have known the difference,” Raph continued, “but I decided I don’t want to be dependent on food to make me feel better.”

            Leo glanced down at his own injured leg and then looked back up at his brother. “I don’t want to be dependent on this either. I think it’s too easy to make this my excuse for not moving from here.”

            “So what do we do about this?” Raph asked, feeling as though they were on the edge of a breakthrough. He hadn’t anticipated that his lie would be the catalyst for some sort of epiphany, but Raph was happy to take advantage if that was the case.

            Leo’s gaze turned from his brother and slowly drifted towards the wooded area behind him. “All of us have become too dependent on things we didn’t have when we were growing up,” he said thoughtfully. “It isn’t really the lure of technology or our own personal endeavors though, it is how we’ve allowed those things to pull us off the path we were meant to follow.”

            “You’re saying we’ve gotten distracted,” Raph said.

            “Yes.” Leo brought his eyes back to Raph. “We came here to escape and re-group, to heal our bodies, our minds, our spirits. What have we actually accomplished?”

            “That’s a good question, Leo,” Raph said, his focus completely on their discussion. All thought of his relationship with Slash was pushed aside in favor of helping Leo find a solution to their dilemma. “We can spend a few hours training every day, but afterwards things fall back into the same rut.”

            “It’s too easy,” Leo repeated slowly. “Too easy to let technology and creature comforts lull us into a state of acceptance. We can’t be ninjas if we don’t find a way to overcome our dependencies.”

            Behind them they heard the sound of a cupboard being closed and pots rattling against each other. Someone else was awake and it wouldn’t be long before everyone was.

            “What would Master Splinter do?” Raph asked as he studied Leo’s expression.

            Leo’s lips twitched into a slight smile. “He’d tell me to meditate on the question and the answer would come to me.” The smile faded. “It hasn’t though, I’ve tried. My mind feels like it’s on an endless loop, it keeps replaying those last few hours in the city and coming around to the six of us here. I see everyone doing their own thing and none of it moves us any closer to fixing things. After that I start to think about my leg and then my meditation shatters.”

            “Donnie says it should be all healed up,” Raph told him. “He says you aren’t doing the strengthening exercises like he instructed. Why is that, Leo?”

            “I don’t know,” Leo replied, shaking his head. “One minute I think my leg’s fine and I can do everything I used to be able to do. The next minute I’m feeling a twinge of pain and I’m on the ground. Part of me doesn’t want to spend time on the healing process because it seems like that’s a sign of weakness.”

            “Or maybe you’re just sabotaging your own efforts,” Raph suggested.

            Leo frowned. “Am I? Raph, do I not want to heal because I’m afraid that I can’t lead us back to the city? Do I fear what we’ll find or . . . or what we won’t find? Not going back to the city means we’ll never know what happened to Master Splinter. Maybe it’s easier not to know than to find out the answer is something we can’t accept.”

            Raph reached out and gripped Leo’s shoulder. “A couple of nights ago you told me that we’d know if Master Splinter was gone. I believe that, bro’. We’d _know_. The Kraang and Shredder ain’t got any right to take our father from us and they ain’t got any right to mess up our family. They gotta pay for trying to do that.”

            Once more Leo rewarded Raph’s words by flashing him a small smile. “Maybe that’s what I need to do, find the emotion inside of me and channel it into something productive. We may find your anger unsettling at times, but I’ve always secretly envied how it focuses you.”

            This time Raph smiled too. “Hey, anger’s my thing. Find your own emotion.”

            Leo straightened, his demeanor that of someone who has come to a decision. Raph’s hand dropped away from his brother’s shoulder as he waited to hear what that resolution was.

            “It’s not going to be fear,” Leo announced with determination. “I’m done with second guessing myself. Master Splinter has been trying to teach me to not only trust my instincts, but to understand where they come from.”

            “You got a plan for how you’re gonna do that?” Raph asked.

            “I’m going to start by spending some time by myself,” Leo said as he once more looked towards the tree line. “Out there.”

            “In the woods?” Raph’s heart jumped. He absolutely didn’t want any of his brothers to start exploring the woods, most especially Leo. His older brother might inadvertently stumble across something that would lead him back to the cabin.

            “I’ll take my bow and arrows and try to do a little hunting. I can practice my stealth and maybe get us some fresh meat for dinner,” Leo said. “Can you take the morning practice session? Let April and Casey work on something simple, but push Don and Mikey. Work them so hard they’ll forget projects and television shows.”

            “Sure,” Raph said, his mind in a whirl as he tried to think of some way to keep Leo away from the area around the cabin. Nothing he could come up with would do the trick without giving away the fact that Raph had another secret.

            “Thanks,” Leo said as he headed off towards the barn where his bow and arrow kit was stored. “I’ll be back before nightfall.”

            Raph watched him go. His little white lie had gotten him out of hot water and directly into the fire. Leo was determined to find himself in the woods and nothing would talk him out of it. Slash was hidden in a cabin in those same woods in order to stay out of sight of Raph’s brothers and Raph had no way to warn the large mutant because he was tasked with the job of babysitting.

            Not only that, but the binging lie had also ensured that Raph wouldn’t be able to take supplies to Slash anymore. Even if Leo didn’t learn of Slash’s presence, the blue banded turtle would certainly be monitoring their food stockpile in the future.

            Mikey’s laugh rang out from the farmhouse and alerted Raph to the fact that everyone else was now up and around. He heard Casey say something in a teasing tone, followed by April’s tinkling giggle.

            Raph felt a wave of resentment rise in his gut at those happy sounds. While he and Leo struggled with their own personal demons, the four in the farmhouse behaved as if they didn’t have a care in the world.

            Balling his hands into fists, Raph stalked towards the kitchen door. This morning they were going to find out what a reality check felt like. Raph would see to that.

TBC…………….


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 3,229 multi-chapter 2k12  
> Summary: So many things in Raph's life have changed, some for the better and some not. There is one change though that he dwells on more than others and the chance to begin again is hard to ignore.  
> Part 14 Rated PG-13  
> ~Some parts contain yaoi

            Raph wasn’t sure which he resented more; that his brothers weren’t working hard enough or that he was stuck training them.  To be more exact; stuck training them while Leo wandered alone in the woods, possibly discovering Slash’s hideout at any moment.

            What Raph should have been doing, what he should have been allowed to do, was to enjoy the euphoria of his new relationship with Slash.  Instead, he was in the yard in front of the farmhouse, pushing his younger brothers to get their skills up to speed.

            This was exactly what had been expected of them at home with Master Splinter.  Every day they practiced, sometimes doing the exact same thing over and over until they got it right.  There was no whining in the dojo, no complaining about the other things they’d rather be doing.  Not unless they wanted to feel the painful pinch of fingers expertly applied to pressure points.

            “Again!” Raph barked as Don and Mikey fell away from each other, breathing heavily at their exertions.

            “Come on, bro’,” Mikey panted, looking beseechingly at Raph.  “We’ve been at this for _hours_.”

            “We wouldn’t have to be if you two didn’t look like a couple of clumsy oafs,” Raph snarled, peeved that Mikey seemed to be shuffling his feet rather than picking them up.  “You’re supposed to be sparring, not dancing.”

            “Raph, maybe we should take a break,” April said in a beseeching tone.  “We completely skipped lunch.”

            Glancing over at her, Raph saw that Casey had taken the momentary respite to collapse on the ground.  “Is that what you do during a hockey match, Jones?” Raph asked, sounding as nasty as possible.  “You get a little tired and hit the ice?  Get up and give our wanna-be kunoichi here some competition so she’ll have something to think about other than her stomach.”

            April’s mouth snapped shut in surprise and Casey jumped to his feet.  “Hey, that was uncalled for,” the boy sputtered indignantly.

            “Oh yeah?  Do you think the Kraang are gonna give you a time out to eat?” Raph snapped.  “The way April’s performing right now, I wouldn’t want her watching _my_ shell in a fight.”

            “You take that back!” Don exclaimed.  “She’s doing a fine job.”

            “By your standards I guess it’d look that way,” Raph told his brother with a sneer.  “You guys all seem content to just stay out here and lay around all day.  That’s a great solution, let’s forget about Master Splinter and Mr. O’Neil and Casey’s family.  They obviously ain’t as important as some broken jalopy, or a stupid TV show, or a darned missed meal!”

            Raph could feel his temper rising and welcomed it.  He didn’t much care if what he said was hurtful; it helped to stem the tide of his resentment.  Raph was tired of losing things; his home, his father, the fight against the Kraang.  Now when one good thing had stepped back into his life, he was on the verge of losing that too.

           “I don’t know what put you in such a foul mood, but maybe I can do something about it,” Don said, his expression thunderous as he twirled his Bo-staff and took a stance in front of Raph.

           Raph’s head tilted back as he laughed sarcastically. “You won’t even make me break a sweat.”

           Mikey’s weapon spun as he took up a position near Don. “Maybe not alone, but the way you’re acting, you’re gonna have to take on both of us bro’.”

           “Well, good,” Raph said, drawing his sai. “It’d be nice to see the two of you working together for once.  Try not to trip over each other.”

            The words were barely out of his mouth when Don charged him, the end of his Bo-staff stabbing at Raph’s face.  Raph reacted in a millisecond, shifting aside so the wooden staff whipped just past his ear.  Don was quick, adjusting to the miss by pulling the staff back a few inches and jabbing at Raph once more.

            This time Raph ducked below the staff and lifted a sai, catching Don’s weapon between one of the wings.  Jerking the staff to the side pulled Don off balance but before Raph could follow up on his advantage, he saw the wicked flash of Mikey’s nunchuck.

            Rather than releasing the Bo from its trap, Raph twisted to the side, dodging the nunchuck.  As Mikey whipped the nunchuck back around, Raph yanked the trapped Bo-staff into its path and Mikey’s chain tangled itself around the staff.

            Before either of the younger turtles could extricate their weapons, Raph grabbed hold of each and tugged hard.  The move sent both Don and Mikey hurtling towards each other, practically pulled off their feet by Raph’s savagery.

            Overbalanced, both brothers hit the ground hard.  Infuriated by how easy it was to take them down, Raph lifted a fist to deliver a final humiliating blow.

            Suddenly a one hundred and five pound bundle of ferocity hit Raph’s shell and sent him stumbling away from his fallen brothers.

            “Stop it, Raph!” April screamed in his ear, her arms clutched around his shoulders.

            Eyes glazed over in anger, Raph reached up to grip one of her arms, pivoting to the side as he hurled the young girl to the ground.  April hit with a resounding thud and a loud, “Ow!”

            “Raph!” Casey shouted, darting towards the fallen girl.

            The sight of April lying on the ground at his feet snapped Raph out of his frenzied haze.  Taking two lurching steps backwards, Raph said, “April, I’m sorry!  I’m sorry!  I didn’t mean to.”

            On her back, April quickly whirled to the side, swinging her long legs around at Raph’s ankles and sweeping his feet out from under him.  He landed heavily on his carapace as April jumped up.

            “That’ll teach you to kunoichi me,” April told him with satisfaction.

            The smug look on her face made Raph wince.  The last traces of ire drained from his system, erased by the physical bout with his family.  He pushed himself into a sitting position and watched his brothers stand up, both of them eyeing him warily.

            “Geez Raph, what got into you?” Casey demanded.

            Raph stood slowly, noticing that Don and Mikey remained in their fighting stance.  Brushing the dirt from his hands, Raph said, “I’m sorry guys.  Leo and I have been worrying that you’re all getting too comfortable here.  He told me to take over training while he went to get his head on straight and I’m worried about him.”

            “You don’t have to take it out on us,” Don said in an aggrieved tone.  “We’re worried too.”

            “I think about my father every day,” April told him, her downturned mouth depicting her sadness.

            “I’m worried half crazy about my dad and sis,” Casey said.  “I don’t wanna be stuck here.”

            “That jalopy may be our ticket back into the city,” Don said.  “Fixing it and getting the van into good running order for our trip home are just as important as training.”

            “I guess you think I lay around watching TV all day,” Mikey said, “but I don’t.  Those meals we eat don’t magically appear on the table, they have to be cooked.  I do most of that while April tries to keep up with the housework.”

            Raph crossed his arms over his plastron and contemplated the group before him.  “Leo is really worried about what’s to become of us,” he finally said.  “I guess we all just kind of started doing our own thing and haven’t been talking to each other.  Maybe if you told him what you just told me he’d stop stressing so much.”

            “Did he go off by himself because of us?” Don asked with a frown.

            Shaking his head, Raph said, “That’s only part of a bigger picture.  He hasn’t been able to decide what to do about our situation.  He’s hoping to find his answers out there in the woods.”

            “How long was he planning to be gone?” Casey asked.  “Like Mikey said, it’s been hours.”

            April was looking at Raph meaningfully and the turtle realized he was being offered a golden opportunity to warn Slash that Leo was somewhere in the woods.

            Not one to pass up a chance when he got it, Raph said, “How about I sneak out there and check on him?  I’ll make sure he’s okay while you guys grab some lunch.  Just be warned, when I get back we’re gonna pick up where we left off.”

            Don and Mikey glanced at each other while April asked, “What about your lunch?  You have to eat too, Raph.”

            “I’m not hungry yet,” Raph said.  That much was the truth, his stomach was in knots and the thought of putting anything in it made him bilious.  “I can always grab a sandwich when I get back.”

            The others murmured their agreement and headed for the farmhouse.  As Raph watched them he saw Don stop to look over his shoulder at his older brother before turning and coming back towards him.

            “I don’t need help locating Leo,” Raph said quickly.

            “Don’t assume I wanted to go with you,” Don retorted.  It was easy to see he was still a little miffed at Raph’s treatment of April.  “I just wanted to know what to tell Leo if he comes back here before you find him.”

            Raph had to think about that for a second.  He’d been so preoccupied with the idea of talking to Slash that it hadn’t crossed his mind that Leo might get back and find Raph missing.

            He opted for the easiest and least complicated solution.  “Tell him the truth,” Raph said.  “Everyone was getting worried that he’d been gone so long and I said I’d check and make sure he was okay.  He should understand that, he’s gone out there checking on me often enough.”

           Don’s expression was still dark.  “At which time he’ll turn right around and go back into the woods to look for you.”

            “Well gee, Donnie,” Raph said, fists planted firmly on his hips, “is it too much to ask that you convince him to stay put?  I know that might be tough for you to think of on your own, but unless something eats me, I’m not gonna spend hours out there looking for him by myself.”

            “You really are in a nasty mood,” Don said, his eyes narrowed.  “While you’re looking for Leo see if you can find your good humor out there too.”

            He spun around and started towards the farmhouse, adding over his shoulder, “That is if you ever had any.”

            Raph didn’t bother to wait and see if Don actually went inside before jogging into the woods.  He knew that Don was too miffed at him to follow and too smart to try something like that anyway.  Not when Raph was already in a nasty temper.

            Having watched Leo enter the woods with his hunting kit, Raph knew where to begin trying to pick up his brother’s trail.  It wasn’t difficult; Leo wasn’t using the same amount of caution he normally used when they were in the city, perhaps because he was sure nothing in the woods would be hunting _him_.

            In didn’t take long for Raph to realize that Leo was setting a course directly towards the pond.  That’s when Raph started to wonder if Leo’s story about needing to find himself in the woods was just that, a story.  Nothing but a fabrication concocted by Leo in order to do some snooping around the one area he knew Raph was spending a majority of his time.

            Leo would believe Raph to be occupied with his training assignment; too busy playing nursemaid to the four back at the farmhouse to discover what Leonardo was actually doing.  It would leave him free to investigate the vicinity around the pond and possibly even attempt to track Raph’s prints to and from the area.

            Raph started to move faster.  He absolutely did not want to make noise and alert Leo to his presence, but he also felt pressured by the urgency to get to the pond and eradicate anything that would lead Leo to the cabin.

            There was also the chance that Slash was at the pond.  He seemed to have a penchant for fresh fish and with nothing better to do, fishing was a good way to feed himself and pass the time.

            Even though he was moving slowly, Leo had a big head start.  If Slash was at the pond and didn’t hear Leo coming first, then those two were going to meet.  How bad that clash was would be determined by how quickly Raph could get there and insert himself between them.

            Raph found a spot where Leo had stopped for some reason.  There was no indication that anything else had been in the vicinity or that Leo’s stance had changed.  From the position of Leo’s footmarks, he seemed to have taken a moment to either get his bearings, or give his leg a rest.

            The hope that Leo had changed course was fleeting; right away it was clear that the older turtle was determinedly following a route that would lead him to the pond.  Of course, that could simply be because animals preferred to stay near a source of water and that would be the most logical spot to locate fresh game.

            Raph hoped that was all that was in Leo’s head.  There was already enough resentment building in Raph’s gut today without learning that Leo distrusted him to such an extent that he felt the need to investigate the things that Raph had told him.

            He was almost within sight of the pond when Raph noticed that Leo’s footprints suddenly veered off course, taking him away from both the water and the cabin.  Adrenaline flooded his system as Raph’s first thought was that Leo had discovered Slash.

            Panic was almost immediately replaced by relief when Raph saw the hoof prints of a very large deer.  It was obvious that Leo had seen them too and had changed direction in order to stalk the animal.  The mark left by Leo’s knee as he went down to examine the hoof prints was still visible, as were his footprints alongside those of the deer.

            There was no way to know how much time had passed since Leo had started hunting the deer.  Raph decided this was his best chance to get to Slash and warn him to lay low.  Turning away from the trail that would take him to Leo, Raph headed for the cabin.

            Reaching the clearing around the cabin, Raph noted that no smoke wafted from the roof pipe and some of his anxiety slipped away.  At least there wouldn’t be any unusual smells to pull Leo towards the area.

            As he approached the cabin, Raph was surprised that Slash hadn’t already opened the door to greet him.  The worry that had started to ease seeped back into his gut, growing worse when he pushed the door open to find that the cabin was empty.

            “Crud,” Raph muttered under his breath, turning to survey the perimeter outside of the cabin.  The ground was hard packed from all of the activity that had taken place at the cabin and the only prints that showed were partials on top of partials.

            Trying to decide which direction to take in order to begin his search, Raph didn’t sense a presence nearby.  Taking a deep breath, Raph started to go back to the pond.

            “I’m getting better at this,” a deep voice said.

            Startled, Raph spun around with his fists up and saw Slash coming towards him from the woods.

            Relaxing his stance, Raph said, “We’ll make a real ninja out of you yet.”

            “Got the best teacher around,” Slash told him with a smile.

            “Don’t get too cocky,” Raph said with a frown.  “I came to warn you that Leonardo’s out here somewhere.  I’m pretty sure he’s east of us right now, chasing down some game, but he could easily swing back around this way.”

            “Yeah, I saw him,” Slash said.  “I was on my way to the pond when I spotted him.  He was focused on some trail he’d found and didn’t know I was there.  I stayed hidden until he was out of sight and then I came back here.”

            “He look okay?” Raph asked.  Right away he knew that might sound as if he was worried that Slash had attacked the other turtle, so he added, “I told the others I’d check on him and I haven’t actually seen him yet.”

            A glint came and went in Slash’s eyes and Raph knew the big guy had read his thoughts.  “Other than a slight limp he looked just the way I last saw him.  Minus all the bruises of course.”

            “I wasn’t trying to imply anything,” Raph rushed to say.

            “It’s quite all right, Raphael.  I know you weren’t,” Slash said.  “This is what we are up against until your brothers can accept me and learn that I’m not that mutagen crazed beast anymore.  You’ll worry that I will misunderstand the things you say and I’ll worry that the burden of hiding our relationship will become too much for you and you’ll choose your brothers over me again.”

            “I’m not gonna do that,” Raph said emphatically.  “We ain’t been back together but a few days.  This kind of thing takes time.  We don’t have to rush to find a solution.”

            “We may not find one here,” Slash said, his expression thoughtful.  It was reminiscent of the way he’d looked when they had gone fishing together and talked about their situation.

            “Give me a chance to handle things my way,” Raph urged.

            Slash’s expression shifted, his expression soft as he gazed at his mate.  “We are equals now, Raphael.  You don’t have to be the one who is always solving our problems.”

            Raph grinned.  “Just give me time to get used to that too, okay?  Look, I gotta head back, everyone’s waiting on me.  Lock up the cabin so Leo can’t get in there and then lay low in the woods until he’s gone.  He’s supposed to get back to the farmhouse before dark.”

            He started to walk away but Slash’s move towards him stopped Raph.  “When will I see you again?” Slash asked.

            “Tonight,” Raph answered.  “Leo is sure to be tired and I can sneak out after he goes to sleep.”

            “I will be here,” Slash said.  “I won’t light the fire until you tell me it’s safe to do so.”

            With a wave, Raph trotted back into the woods.  He felt badly over having to ask Slash to hide and at the fact that his mate would be sitting in the dark and cold until Raph gave him the all clear.

            That really was no way for Slash to be forced to live.  Shaking his head, Raph realized that he’d probably treated Slash better when he was Spike.

            Replaying the platitudes he’d spoken as he’d promised to fix things had Raph feeling morose as well.  The words sounded hollow to his own ears, he could only imagine how Slash had heard them.

            Running full tilt back to the farmhouse, Raph had to ask himself if he was subconsciously stringing Slash along.

TBC…………….


	15. Final

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 5,056 multi-chapter 2k12  
> Summary: So many things in Raph's life have changed, some for the better and some not. There is one change though that he dwells on more than others and the chance to begin again is hard to ignore.  
> Part 15 Rated NC-17

            The one bright spot in what had so far been a fairly rough day was that by the time Raph returned to the farmhouse, his brothers and their friends were back in the yard practicing.

            He spotted Casey holding a log for April to kick and decided he’d help her work on that ability.  There was a stack of cut logs nearby and he grabbed one as he rejoined the group.

            After displaying his technique, Raph waited as Casey held up a log for April.  Don issued one last piece of advice and then April delivered her kick.

            Rather than splitting the log, the force of her kick sent Casey flying.  Spinning once mid-air he landed face first and skid across the ground, much to Don’s delight.

            “Ooh, I wish I could see that in instant replay,” Don taunted.  “How’s that mud taste, Casey?”

            Raph started to laugh but the expression on April’s face stopped him.  She wasn’t looking at Casey anymore, but rather just past Raph’s shoulder.

            “Leo?” April called, sounding concerned.

            Spinning around, Raph saw Leo stumble towards them and collapse to his knees.  Raph and Mikey reached him at the same moment, each holding a shoulder for fear he’d topple over.

            An instant of panic struck Raph then, afraid that despite his best efforts, Leo had run across Slash and they’d fought.

            “Dude, what happened to you?” Mikey asked.

            Leo’s head came up as he answered, “I had a realization in the woods.”

            Relief made Raph sarcastic.  “Going off alone with a bum leg was a bad idea?” he asked as he and Mikey helped Leo to his feet.

            “No it’s just what I need; what we all need.” Leo said, sounding as though he’d just discovered a deep truth.  “We’re so caught up in TPhones and junk food and TV that we’ve become at odds with nature.  A true ninja must become as one with it to master himself.”

            Mikey clutched at him, staring earnestly into Leo’s face.  “Hey man, leave TV out of this.”

            Don looked thoughtful.  “Even Master Splinter did it,” he said, lifting a finger in true lecture form.  “He said, ‘only when you become one with nature can you make peace with yourself.”

            “Make peace?” Raph asked incredulously.  “What are we, hippies?  We’re ninjas!”

            Leo suddenly appeared resolute, saying with determination, “We’ll do three days of meditation and practiced awareness in the wilderness, only eating what we can forage.”

            Mikey’s expression became panicked.  “Three days?  We’re gonna live like animals.  Ahhh!” he screamed as he began running around in circles.

            Left to brace Leo by himself, Raph stared at his older brother, seeing that Leo had made up his mind.  He heard Casey say in an undertone, “I think Leo might have taken one too many kicks to the head.”

            “No Leo’s right,” April said firmly, walking towards the ninja leader, “camping is a great idea.  I’m tired of being stuck at the farmhouse.”

            With Raph’s assistance, Leo started back to the house, telling the girl, “Sorry April, this trip is ninjas only.”

            “But I’m almost a kunoichi!” April exclaimed in protest.

            Raph couldn’t help but laugh as he thought back to their training session earlier in the day.  “Almost,” he told her.

            He didn’t catch the remainder of the conversation between April, Casey, and Don as he focused on getting Leo inside.  As Raph helped Leo over to the couch, they could hear Mikey’s voice coming from the kitchen, where he was no doubt venting his fears to Ice Cream kitty.

            “Man, I don’t know how you think you’re gonna spend three days getting back to nature when you can barely get back here,” Raph grumbled as Leo sat down.

            “I’ll be fine after I rest this leg tonight,” Leo insisted.  “We’ll leave first thing in the morning.”

            Raph thought fast, glad to learn that Leo didn’t intend for them to go on this nature pilgrimage right away.  He watched Leo lean back against the couch cushions and close his eyes.  Without conscious thought, Raph pulled the coffee table over and reached down to lift Leo’s leg onto it in order to relieve the pressure on his knee.

            “You ain’t been sleeping well, have you?” Raph asked, seeing the lines of tension around his brother’s eyes.

            “Not really,” Leo admitted without opening them.

            “This getting back to nature thing feels right to you?” Raph inquired, watching Leo’s expression.

            Leo sighed and some of the tension seemed to ease from his shoulders.  “Yes.”

            “Okay then,” Raph said, accepting the plan.  He had an idea that would get him out of the farmhouse for a couple of hours, but he didn’t want to spring it on Leo until after dinner.  “I’m gonna go back out and give April and Casey a list of things they can practice while we’re gone.  Pretty sure Don’s shell’s in a wad over us leaving those two alone together.”

            “He’ll have to get over that,” Leo said, his tone drowsy.

            Raph waited a few more minutes, watching as Leo dozed off.  Making the decision to spend time in the wilderness appeared to have had a positive effect on the team leader.  He seemed less guilt ridden and a lot more self-assured.

            Heading towards the kitchen in order to catch hold of Mikey and drag him back outside, Raph decided that the proposed venture might actually be a good thing.  If it helped Leo get whole again, then the odds were favorable that he’d decide to head back to the city sooner rather than later.

            With Leo feeling confident and strong he wouldn’t need to lean on Raph as much.  That meant that Raph could focus on his connection with Slash.  Raph might even be able to broach the subject of Slash’s presence and ease Leo into accepting the large mutant into the family.

            In a much better mood now than he’d been in all day, Raph pushed Mikey towards the trio who were still outside.  Barking a set of orders at his brothers broke up the heated argument Don and Casey were engaged in and April shot Raph a grateful look.

            A couple of hours later April took Mikey back to the farmhouse with her so they could start on dinner.  The subject of food set Raph’s stomach to grumbling and reminded him that he’d missed lunch.  To take his mind off of that until the evening meal was on the table, Raph worked with Casey on some basic self-defense moves while Don went to the barn to prepare for a three day absence from his experiments.

            Dinner turned out to be a pretty big affair with an abundance of food that they obviously could not finish in one sitting.  Raph caught Mikey looking at him, his expression smug, as though he’d proven that his cooking talents were valuable after all.

            “Hey, Donnie,” Casey said from his place on the opposite side of the table.  There was a taunting expression on his face once he had the turtle’s attention.  “You’d better stuff yourself tonight.  You’ll probably starve out there in the woods.”

            “Don’t worry about me Casey,” Don snapped.  “Unlike you, I can hold my own in the wild.”

            “Oh I won’t be worried about you,” Casey replied unctuously.  “I’m going to be too busy spending all my time with April.”

            Raph could hear Don’s low pitched growl as the genius looked down at his plate and began eating, doing his best impression of a guy ignoring his rival.  Casey’s chuckle was just another way of rubbing salt in Donnie’s wounds and Raph couldn’t help but feel bad for his younger brother.

            Coming to grips with his need to be with Slash had opened Raph’s eyes to what Don was going through.  In the past he’d found Don’s ceaseless devotion to April to be tiresome and annoying but now he looked at it with fresh eyes.  It was hard not being able to fully connect with the one you cared for.

            It made Raph more sympathetic to Leo’s plight as well.  While the others wanted to return home to find and rescue their family members, more than just Master Splinter was on Leo’s mind.  Raph had never cared for the fact that Leo had a crush on Karai, but Leo did and he worried about her.  That was something Raph could understand.

            Before anyone left the table, Leo requested that they all turn in as soon as possible, because they were going to get an early start in the morning.  Raph left it to the rest of the group to clean up after their meal and urged Leo back to the couch.

            “We should both get some sleep,” Leo said, looking puzzled as his brother once more sat him down.

            “You can go up in a minute,” Raph said.  “I needed to let you know that I’m going out for a couple of hours.”

            “For what possible . . . .” Leo started to ask.

            “Hang on,” Raph said, interrupting him.  “I know it’s getting dark out but this is the first chance today I’ve had to take care of this.  I set some live traps out in the woods and I don’t want them sitting there ready to spring for the next three days.  I’m gonna release any animals I might have already caught and take the traps apart.  There’s no way I want some poor animal to suffer a slow death ‘cause I can’t check on those traps after tomorrow morning.”

            Leo was watching him carefully, making him feel a little like one of the animals caught in his imaginary traps.  As much time as Raph had been spending in the woods, Leo couldn’t very well claim he knew his brother wasn’t speaking the truth.

            “Okay, that makes sense,” Leo said slowly.  “I wouldn’t want that on my conscience either.  You won’t be much longer than that?”

            “Shouldn’t be,” Raph said noncommittally.  “I know where I placed all of them.  When I’m done I’ll come straight back here and hit the sack.  Do not sit up waiting for me either, Leo.  I might be at odds with nature, but I can still manage to go out in it and then make it back here in one piece.”

            “I know you can,” Leo assured him.

            Before he left, Raph pulled Don aside.  “You make sure Leo goes to bed,” Raph said in a tone that left no room for argument.

            “Where are you going?” Don asked suspiciously.

            “I already told Leo that I have to deal with some traps I left in the woods,” Raph said, “and I also told him not to wait up for me.  You need to help me make him take care of himself.”

            “Haven’t you spent enough time in the woods?” Don demanded.

            “Apparently not,” Raph said cryptically, rather than getting into an argument.  He left before Don had the chance to say more.

            With all of his bases covered back at the farmhouse, Raph made a beeline for the cabin in the woods.  He was confident that no one would be following him and didn’t want to waste even one precious moment worrying about his back trail.

            Raph reached the cabin just as dusk began to turn to full night.  He found it in complete darkness just as Slash had promised and wondered if the large mutant was inside, or had found a secluded waiting spot elsewhere.

            Remembering that Slash had said ‘I will be here’, Raph tried the door first, finding it locked.

            “Slash?” Raph asked, keeping his voice low.

            The sound of a bolt being pulled back was immediate and the door opened almost as quickly.  “I sensed your approach,” Slash told him, stepping back so that Raph could enter.

            “Everyone’s at the farmhouse now,” Raph said as Slash closed and bolted the door.  “You can light that fire again.”

            It was so dark inside the cabin that Raph couldn’t see much of anything, but Slash had no trouble navigating in the small space.  Within moments a small fire was going in the makeshift hearth and Slash motioned for Raph to join him.

            “Something’s happened,” Slash said as Raph walked across the room.

            “Yeah,” Raph acknowledged.  “Leo came back from his hunting trip on some kick about us needing to get back to nature.  The four of us are supposed to head into the wilderness for three days starting tomorrow morning.”

            “Three days,” Slash repeated musingly.

            It wasn’t the reaction Raph had expected but he went ahead with his prepared speech anyway.  “That’s a good thing,” he said, sounding as earnest as possible.  “I know it’ll be three days where we don’t get to see each other, but it’s the first move Leo’s wanted to make since we got out here.  He thinks we can connect to our roots as ninjas and maybe he’s right.  If we can get it together then maybe he’ll be ready to head back to the city.”

            “And perhaps in doing so accept me as well?” Slash asked astutely.

            “Exactly,” Raph said enthusiastically.  “I just gotta catch Leo in the right mood and all this waiting will be over with.”

            “I cannot deny your reasoning, Raphael,” Slash said, looking with longing at his mate.

            “I know right?”  Raph asked, his heart fluttering at the expression on Slash’s face.

            “We will be apart far too long,” Slash said, moving close to Raph.  “Have we time to create a lasting memory?”

            The question was asked in a deep, gravelly voice, the one that sent shivers down Raph’s spine.  “What’d you have in mind?”

            “Let’s begin with this,” Slash suggested, his arms circling Raph.  He pulled Raph against his plastron and lowered his head, opening his mouth so that his lower jaw pressed gently against a point a little ways under Raph’s chin.

            No longer tentative about kissing his mate, Raph opened his mouth and accepted Slash’s tongue against his.  Almost as one, the pair churred their excitement.

            After several moments of intensity that had Raph growing hard beneath his shell, he felt Slash’s hands slide downwards to tug at Raph’s belt.  Taking the hint, Raph removed his sai, tossing them aside before then sliding his belt off.

            Slash’s mouth left his almost immediately and Raph opened his eyes to ask what his mate had planned for them.  He didn’t manage a single word as Slash’s long tongue painted a stripe from Raph’s neck to his collarbone before continuing on a downward path.

            Gasping, Raph could only watch as Slash kneeled before him, using his tongue to caress the sensitive frontline between the scutes on Raph’s plastron.  It was then Raph realized what he’d unconsciously noticed as he’d entered the cabin; Slash was wearing nothing, not even his mask.

            As Slash’s tongue moved ever lower, Raph went stiff, his body reacting to sensory overload.  Breathing erratically, Raph moaned as the warm appendage caressed the bulge created by his hidden erection.

            “Let me have you, Raphael,” Slash murmured, his hot breath further stimulating the spot between Raph’s legs.  “I want to taste you.”

            It was too much for Raph to handle and he dropped down.  There was no way for Slash to close his mouth around Raphael’s cock, so he made do with just his tongue.  For several long wonderful seconds Slash contented himself with licking the tip of Raph’s penis before then circling the shaft with his lengthy tongue.

            “Sl . . . Slash,” Raph stuttered, unable to render a coherent thought as Slash’s tongue stimulated him, providing friction that Raph would not have expected from just the fleshy, muscular organ inside Slash’s mouth.

            Muscular it was as Raph felt himself being pulled inexorably towards completion.  Panting uncontrollably, Raph lowered shaky hands to Slash’s head, trying to find ways to encourage his mate to finish him off.

            When Slash’s tongue left his cock, Raph groaned in disappointment, clutching at his mate’s head in desperation.  Slash slid his head away from Raph’s grasping hands and looked up at him.

            “Not yet, Raphael,” Slash said in a voice husky with desire.  “Let’s finish together.”

            At that point Raph was up for anything, not caring what was going to happen as long as it led to a fiercely needed orgasm.  He watched as Slash slowly stood up, his own huge organ jutting out proudly before him.

            “Whatever you want,” Raph said breathily.

            “Join me on the bed,” Slash said, catching hold of Raph’s hand and leading him over to the pile of blankets.

            Slash lowered himself so that he was sitting sideways and encouraged Raph to do the same, so that they were facing each other.  Placing a hand on Raph’s shoulder, Slash began to lie down on his side, pulling Raph into a similar position.  Once Raph was all of the way down, Slash slid his arm beneath Raph’s head, giving him something to rest on.

            Lying as they were, face to face, Raph could feel Slash’s erection pressing against his plastron.  Without a word, Slash shifted his body downwards until Raph felt their cocks touch each other’s.

            “Oh shell,” Raph hummed, the feeling sending shockwaves into his groin.  Then he swallowed hard as Slash reached between them and gathered both their swollen shafts into one large hand.

            “Mmm, yes,” Slash murmured in appreciation as his hand began to move over their joined erections.

            One arm pinned beneath him, Raph grabbed at Slash’s shoulder with the other in order to steady himself as he began to thrust against Slash’s cock.  Tail stiff, the entrance to Raph’s ass began to quiver and contract in reaction to his impending orgasm.

            Almost as if sensing how close Raph was, Slash’s hand began to move faster.  Both turtles were churring and grunting into the silence of the cabin.

            As much as Raph wanted to wait for Slash to hit his peak too, the smaller turtle could no longer hold back. Crying out sharply, Raph climaxed, shuddering and shaking as his cum spurted over Slash’s hand and onto both of them.

            The arm under Raph’s head turned so that Slash could place his palm firmly on Raph’s carapace, keeping him from moving.  Slash continued to aggressively tug at their joined cocks for another moment and then he came, shouting Raph’s name as his thick release coated both of their plastrons.

            For a short while Raph’s mind was a complete blank.  He could hear Slash gasping for air, his breathing as rough and irregular as Raph’s own.  The two turtles were close enough together that Raph could feel Slash’s heart beating a quick rhythm in his chest and was sure that Slash could tell that his was doing the same.

            This was sex, Raph realized.  He’d finally had something that he had never given a second’s thought to because he’d been sure it would never happen for him.  But it had and it was great.

            “Awesome,” Raph amended aloud, almost sighing the word.

            “Yes it was,” Slash agreed, his voice tender.

            Raph lifted his head and opened his mouth for his mate, who took advantage of the offering by snaking his tongue inside to play with the smaller turtle’s.  Tasting himself on Slash’s tongue sent an orgasmic aftershock through Raph’s system and his softening dick twitched out a final dribble of cum.

            Slash pulled away and rumbled his contentment as he released his hold on their cocks.  The vibration from that sound was soothing and Raph felt himself start to doze off.

            At the last second Raph recalled where he was and forced himself awake.  Sitting up abruptly caused him to feel momentarily lightheaded.

            “Raphael?” Slash asked, his voice filled with concern.

            “I can’t stay,” Raph told him, reaching for the blanket that Slash had used to clean them with before.  As he wiped himself down, he said, “Everybody knows I went out this time.  I had a good excuse but it won’t cover me for much longer.”

            “And if you don’t return they will come looking for you,” Slash said in an almost sing-song voice.

            Raph stopped moving to stare at him.  “You aren’t happy about that, I know.”

            “It isn’t a question of my happiness,” Slash said as he pushed himself upright.  “It is about _us_ and how we can resolve this situation.”

            “I told you I can handle it,” Raph said, trying not to sound anxious.  “This retreat of Leo’s is gonna put us on the right path, I can tell.”

            “If it doesn’t then we are left with things as they are now,” Slash said.  “I have come up with a better alternative.”

            Raph took his time rising to his feet, his eyes fixed on Slash.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

            “There is only one solution that will work for the two of us,” Slash said.  “It requires that I regain the trust of your family, that I show Leonardo that I have changed, that I am one of the good guys.  Without his respect you and I will be miles apart even when we are together.”

            “That sounds great,” Raph said.  “But I still don’t know how you’re gonna manage it.”

            “By returning to the city,” Slash said.  “Immediately.”

            “What?” Raph exclaimed, his eyes nearly popping from their sockets.  “You’ve gotta be kidding me.  You can’t do that!”

            “Yes I can,” Slash said.  “I managed to find my way out and I can easily go back in.  I know there are other mutants still hiding in the city and I’m going to find them.  I’m going to teach them to fight the way that Master Splinter taught you guys.  When we’re done I’ll have my own team and we’re going to take on our enemies and show them they don’t get to have things all their way.”

            Raph plopped down on his knees next to Slash, staring into his eyes as he pleaded, “Wait, just wait okay?  You don’t have to do this right now.  If Leo doesn’t come around after this pilgrimage, then I’ll just straight out tell him about you and he’ll have to deal with it as best he can.”

            Slash shook his head.  “I don’t want you to give your brother an ultimatum,” he said.  “That’s the wrong thing to do because Leonardo will be certain to think I’m trying to make you choose between us again.  Perhaps while I’m in the city I can even locate your father.”

            “I won’t make it sound like an ultimatum,” Raph insisted.  “I’ll explain that the mutagen was to blame for everything you did just after you changed.  Don will understand and he’ll help me make my point.  Tell me you’ll wait and you won’t do anything until I get back.”

            Inhaling deeply, Slash released the breath in a long, calming exhale before offering Raph a smile.  Touching his mates face, Slash said, “For you I will do anything.”

            “Good, that’s good,” Raph said, his voice shaky.  “You stay put okay?  Do some fishing and rest while I’m gone.  I’ll come back first chance I get.”

            “Of course Raphael,” Slash said, watching as the younger turtle stood up again and retrieved his gear.  “Take care of yourself.”

            “Always,” Raph assured him before slipping through the door.

            The last thing Raph wanted to experience after such a fulfilling coupling with Slash was the pond’s icy water.  He couldn’t risk going back to the farmhouse with Slash’s scent and the smell of sex all over him though.  The odds of making it to the bathroom for a warm shower without being seen were pretty low in a house full of ninjas who knew he’d been outdoors.

            Setting his weapons on the ground, Raph held onto his belt and jumped into the pond.  The cold water took his breath away and cleared any notion of sleep right out of his head.

            He was shivering when he climbed out of the water and retrieved his sai.  Jogging back to the farmhouse, Raph decided he deserved to be uncomfortable as punishment for all of the lies he’d been telling.

            Before going inside, Raph stopped to remove his wet gear and drape it over the clothesline.  It would be mostly dry by morning and if anyone asked, he’d just say he rinsed the stuff out before going to bed.  What was one more lie in the grand scheme of things?

            Raph was glad he’d braved the cold of the pond when he entered the farmhouse and saw Don and April seated at the dining room table.  They were deep in conversation and barely glanced up as he walked past them.  Raph could guess what they were talking about and he wished his brother well.  He and Don were pretty much in the same boat together with regards to their love lives.

            Stopping to listen at Leo’s door, Raph heard the even rhythm of his brother’s breathing and knew he was sound asleep.  Don must have promised to wait up for Raph; that was the only thing that would have gotten Leo to go to bed.

            Before going to his own room, Raph detoured to the bathroom and rinsed off again, this time with warm water.  It took the final chill from his skin, making him sleepy once more, and he was already half out by the time he fell onto his bed.

            Raph woke in the morning to the sound of Don fussing at Mikey again about his alarm clock.  As much as he wanted to pull the covers up to his chin and go back to sleep, Raph knew Leo was probably already packing for their journey.

            Moving quickly, Raph grabbed his backpack and scooped the things he wanted to take with him into it.  When he went out to get his gear from the clothesline, he saw that Casey and April were already in the yard practicing.

            Entering the farmhouse through the kitchen door, Raph spotted Mikey talking to Ice Cream kitty and slid past quickly before his brother noticed him.  Leo was at the front door waiting on his brothers when Raph joined him.  Don was only a second behind him, his expression nothing less than forlorn.

            Mikey only took a few minutes longer, but the brothers waited in silence.  Leo appeared focused, which was a good sign after all he’d been through.

            As they started their trek, Raph glanced back to see their human friends watching them, a desolate look on April’s face.  But he also saw the firm set of her jaw and an underlying determination that told Raph she would train the entire time they were gone, just to prove that she could be a true kunoichi.

            Raph had no idea how far Leo planned to take them, but as the distance between Raph and the cabin increased, so did the turtle’s concern.  Something inside was screaming at him to check on Slash, some inner instinct that begged for attention.

            “Hey Leo,” Raph finally called out, “I don’t know where you were planning on stopping, but don’t you think it’d be a good idea to do some foraging now, before we lose the light?”

            “Yeah dude, I’m _starving_ ,” Mikey complained, holding his stomach for emphasis.

            Leo glanced up at the sun and came to a stop.  “It probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to familiarize ourselves with the flora and fauna,” he said.  “We’re still too close to the farmhouse to stop here though.”

            “The nomad tribes of native Americans gathered what they could as they travelled,” Don offered.

            The usual sarcastic barb about Don being a windbag died on Raph’s lips.  For once he was glad to have Donnie show off his knowledge.

            “All right,” Leo said.  “Half an hour, no more.  See what you can find in the way of food and meet back here.”

            “Great,” Raph said and headed in the direction of the cabin before any of his brothers could choose to go that way.

            Once he was out of their sight, Raph began to run as fast as he could.  Thirty minutes wasn’t much time considering the distance they’d covered, but he could just make it to the cabin and back if he pushed his physical limits.

            The uneasy feeling that had ridden Raph all morning increased as he neared the cabin.  It was quiet; _too_ quiet.  Raph couldn’t even get a sense that anyone was around.

            Because of that he didn’t slow down as he got to the door, prepared to break the lock if need be.  It wasn’t necessary; the door was wide open.

            Raph skid to a stop in the center of the cabin.  Slash was not there; his bedding neatly folded and stacked on shelves.

            All of the things that Raph had brought him were clean and sitting in a corner.  The only item remaining of Slash himself was the fireplace he’d built.

            Walking slowly towards it, Raph spotted some black smudges on one of the smoother stones near the bottom.  Squatting next to it, Raph saw that they were words, written in charcoal.

            _“Sorry Raphael. I gotta do this for us.  See you in the city.”_

            Head down, Raph set his palm on the words, his chest tight with emotion.  With a swift movement of his hand he scrubbed out the letters and jumped to his feet.

            The quick fit of anger dissipated as he turned away from the fireplace and Raph took a deep breath, releasing it slowly.  Slash wasn’t a pet anymore, he was a free and sentient being who could make his own decisions.

            He had decided to fight for his love in the only way he could think of, taking the problem out of Raph’s hands.  If Raph wanted to do his mate justice, then he’d have to fight just as hard to help Leo pull his team together so they could follow Slash back to New York.

            Exiting the cabin, Raph pulled the door closed and looked into the woods.  Leo was right; somehow their salvation as ninjas was out there somewhere in the wilderness.

            A fire began to grow in Raph’s gut, one that burned with fierce resolve.  He was not going to be separated from Slash for long, no matter what obstacles he had to overcome or what adversaries he had to defeat.

            Even if those enemies resided deep inside himself.

The End


End file.
